Blog - Ridiculous Infomercial Review

The mega-success of the Snuggie blanket with sleeves in 2008-2009 tempted others to cash in with infomercials selling some variation of a wearable blanket. All of these Snuggie rip-offs went bust except for one: Forever Lazy (www.OrderForverLazy.com)

The Forever Lazy is basically an adult version of the “onesie” pajamas for babies. I never imagined that the fetish of adults dressing as infants for erotic pleasure had grown so popular that it could be the basis for a successful nationwide product.

Like the Snuggie infomercial, this commercial encourages people to wear the Forever Lazy in public and at sporting events in particular. Clearly, many masochistic men had worn Snuggies to football games and were disappointed when they received no beatings. Now the Forever Lazy will ensure the person who wears it of getting pummeled to a bloody pulp by drunken sports fans.

At least the Forever Lazy makes no pretense at being fashionable or stylish, unlike the absurd Cozy Caftan.

The Forever Lazy features “zippered hatches” for wearers to relieve themselves without getting naked first. This is a big mistake from a marketing perspective. Forever Lazy should instead have offered adult diapers as a free bonus to give customers the complete newborn experience.

Watch this news report about the creators of Forever Lazy. The fact that these two grown men run Forever Lazy out of their parents’ basement has to be the least surprising bit of info imaginable.

Now that the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy has been repealed, the US Army can start using Free Flexor for its strength training:

Someone must have thought the Shake Weight for Men wasn’t nearly suggestive enough, so he went on a quest to do better. After lots of hours spent browsing inside his local adult superstore, he came up with the idea for the Free Flexor.

Some of the words used on this infomercial only contribute to the initial impression. We are told the Free Flexor will “make your muscles cry,” and a muscular man identified as a “Former Pro Athlete” tells another muscle-bound man, “…it starts to go deep and you can feel it,” prompting the response, “Definitely gets you burning.” (Please see a doctor right away about that, sir.)

Future versions of the Free Flexor infomercials will offer lubricant as a free bonus…to keep your hands from chaffing.

1990s infomercial personality Don Lapre has died, apparently from a suicide while in prison awaiting a trial for fraud. Read details here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2044687/Don-Lapre-dead-Arizona-TV-pitchman-commits-suicide-cell-52m-fraud-trial.html

The boyish, energetic Don Lapre first came to prominence for a series of infomercials promoting a money making opportunity based on placing “tiny classified ads” in local newspapers.

Later he went on to promote a multi-level marketing (MLM) scheme called “The Greatest Vitamin in the World,” which is the product that got him into legal trouble:

A search on YouTube also finds this strange video of Don Lapre with Alan Thicke promoting some sort of advertising kiosk business opportunity called “The Incredible Products Store”

Don Lapre’s “tiny classified ads” infomercial is a classic that became a pop culture phenomenon in its time. I have an old VHS tape with of a version of it in which Lapre is interviewed by fellow 1990s pseudo-celebrity Cindy Margolis. It was one of those infomercials that I always intended to write about but never got around to.

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Thanks to reader Fax Machine for letting us know the news about Don Lapre.

No couple thinks about divorce when they gaze lovingly into each others’ eyes and exchange vows. But divorce is exactly what will happen to nearly one million of them each year in the United States alone. Yet no statistics can convey just how wrenching divorces can be: the broken hearts; the time and fortunes spent in the legal system; the innocent children caught in the middle of it all.

Most of the leading causes of divorce are well-known: financial issues, adultery, physical and emotional abuse. Yet there is also a silent but deadly foe of marriage wafting through the land. Fortunately the Better Marriage Blanket solves this most irreconcilable of differences:

Hmmm…I must have missed that scene in Kramer vs. Kramer.

One problem with this infomercial is that it assumes this issue is some sort of tragic accident. In fact, a large percentage of men quite enjoy making a “Dutch oven” and then shoving their wives heads beneath the covers as a hilarious practical joke.

Also interesting is the line, “…on the inside it contains a layer of activated carbon fabric, the same type of fabric used by the military to protect against chemical weapons.” Let us hope those men and women who have learned to weaponize their farts are not recruited into Al Qaeda!

In order to sell their calming dog vest, the infomercial for the Thunder Shirt uses the magic of computer graphics to make its canine pitchman talk to us—and wink at us:

If you ever wondered whether animals can tumble into the uncanny valley, then the Thundershirt commercial should dispel all doubts.

The resemblance of this canine to an albino wolf can’t be helping matters either.

In order to convey the message that Thunder Shirt helps calm your dog’s frayed nerves, the spokes-pet lies recumbent and dispassionately reads his lines in a mellow English accent. The effect makes this dog come across like some kind of London opium addict circa 1850. (Cf. Thomas De Quincey)

The Thunder Shirt may indeed soothe the anxiety of dogs…but the sedate, talking, winking spokes-dog in this infomercial is likely to make the humans who watch it just a little bit jittery.