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Happy Hot Dog Man: Now Your Wiener Can Be Creepier Than Ever

Perhaps the biggest non-problem in America today is children refusing to eat hot dogs. So now the Happy Hot Dog Man has come along to provide a fun solution to this non-problem:

Yes , this is a real commercial for a real product. (www.HappyHotDogMan.com) Perhaps they can score an endorsement from Michelle Obama.

As if eating hot dogs weren’t unhealthy enough to begin with, the Happy Hot Dog Man will turn frankfurters into “a toy you can eat.” So now kids will get their grimy, bacteria-covered fingers all over their meat puppets before they swallow them.

Happy Hot Dog ManThe infomercial actually shows a kids’ party that includes bringing “ordinary hot dogs to life” as an activity. “You can make them into like little girls and boys and decorate them and clothes and everything,” gushes one girl, who really needs to get some better toys.

If you enjoy chili dogs, then you can have fun imagining your Happy Hot Dog Man was crushed to death in a mudslide.

Considering the number of amusements and calories available to children these days, I think they are marketing this product to the wrong audience. They should instead be pitching Happy Hot Dog Man as a way for poor Haitian immigrants to create affordable voodoo dolls. (They could even keep the Ketchup Critter and Mustard Monster as free bonuses!)


A foot-long thanks to reader Giddeon Fox for tipping us off to the Happy Hot Dog Man infomercial

Comments

  • 9 Responses to “Happy Hot Dog Man: Now Your Wiener Can Be Creepier Than Ever”

  • This is the one product that could have saved the political career of Rep. Anthony Weiner.

    Comment by Chris Pawelski on June 25, 2011 at 12:44 pm

  • This is one of those products where the solution is even more dubious than the original (alleged) problem. The hot dogs will cool off while the kids are playing with them, and end up even less appetizing than when they were fresh.

    I also think the mustard and ketchup things are more appealing than the weenie-cutting gadget, even if they’re equally useless.

    Comment by Julie on June 27, 2011 at 2:23 pm

  • So if I want my man’s hot dog to be happy, I should just use a plastic hot dog cutter instead of just slipping it between the buns? Alrighty then!

    Comment by Kittyluver12 on June 27, 2011 at 7:36 pm

  • The inventor? What a dick.

    Comment by Tee on June 28, 2011 at 12:41 pm

  • Billy Mays died two years ago today. R.I.P my nigga.

    Comment by Neville S. Hayes on June 28, 2011 at 8:52 pm

  • I especially like the Satan head that vomits blood-like ketchup and and the sinister bart simpson head the blows mustard out of his nostrils. very appetizing indeed.

    Comment by baz on July 1, 2011 at 8:32 am

  • I was wondering when this would get reviewed on this site. The commercial is so cheesy. Like late 80s early 90s cheesy.

    Comment by pikapal on July 12, 2011 at 6:18 am

  • I like happy hot dog men in my buns.

    Comment by Dick blart on July 24, 2011 at 8:42 am

  • ‘Murica.

    Comment by Anonymous on March 9, 2014 at 4:06 pm

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