Blog - Ridiculous Infomercial Review

In the late 1990s and early 2000s, infomercial viewers convinced themselves that wearing a metal bracelet on the wrist could relieve pain throughout their bodies. At least one Spanish infomercial selling such a bracelet aired, but the most popular example of this genre was the infomercial for a “non-medical device” called the QRay Ionized Bracelet:

The infomercial is at pains to distinguish the QRay (”The World’s Only Ionized Bracelet”) from those inferior magnet and copper bracelets. By the time this infomercial aired in 2001, bracelets claiming to miraculously cure aches and pains had been already been sold, but QRay wants everyone who wasted their money on those products to go ahead and give Q-Ray a try—because it’s ionized!

Five years after this infomercial aired, a federal court ruled that Q-Ray engaged in “false and misleading” advertising. Not only did the court find the benefit claims of immediate pain relief to be false, but it also found that the bracelet wasn’t even “ionized” at all! Q-Ray was forced to offer refunds to consumers who bought the bracelets between January 1, 2000 and June 20, 2003.

This court ruling was devastating not only to the marketers of QRay but to customers who bought one thinking it would give them incredible super powers, much like Wonder Woman’s wrist bracelets.

Undaunted, the marketers still sell the QRay online, although you won’t find any mention on the website of the bracelet being “ionized.” And now another bracelet has made its way onto a TV infomercial, the iRenew Energy Bracelet:

The difference in the marketing of the iRenew bracelet (and the recent QRay efforts) is that it promotes itself as a device that provides “balance” and “energy” instead of pain relief. And those people who bought a copper bracelet that didn’t work…and a magnetic bracelet that didn’t work…and a ionized bracelet that didn’t work can rest assured that iRenew is different because it “uses natural frequencies.”

Infomercials peddling these types of health bracelets were parodied in the Spanish-language movie, Ladron Que Robar A Ladron (”A thief who robs a thief”), which is about a sleazy infomercial producer:

The Magic Bracelet’s claims of miracle cures are actually a lot more credible—because that thing is one whopping hunk of metal!

Have you ever looked at a woman like Pamela Andersen or Dolly Parton and said to yourself in pity, “I bet she finds it impossible to sleep on her stomach”?

Apparently the makers of The Roll “patent-pending chest support pillow” have not only thought about that problem, but they have actually produced a product that allows women with massive ta-tas to comfortably lie on their stomachs:

“Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman” as the song says. I wonder how may ladies considering breast augmentation surgery have ever given thought to the effect it might have on the pleasurability of their massages. Now with The Roll they do not have to make the difficult choice between enjoying relaxing back rubs and rocking bodacious boobies.
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A round and firm thank you to reader Joshua H. for letting us know about The Roll.

Just as the Snuggie Macarena commercial represents the end of the Snuggie era, the Snazzy Napper (www.SnazzyNapper.com) represents the end of the line for all those Snuggie knock-off products.

What the Snuggie sleeves did for your arms, the Snazzy Napper oval opening does for your nose:

The creators of the Snazzy Napper greatly overestimated the influence that US military involvement in Afghanistan would have on American fashion. “Snazzy Napper” won out over the original product name, “American Burqa.”

The influence of Middle Eastern fashion on the Snazzy Napper is obvious:

Afghanistan

Iran

But inspiration also came from classic styles from Europe:

and America

The best part of the commercial comes when the woman puts on the Snazzy Napper while waiting at the airport and receives not so much as a glance from the two men seated on either side of her. I guess the cute sheep and moon designs will effectively dissuade people from concluding you are a suicide bomber!

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A comfortable and well-rested thanks to reader Al Frank for letting us know about the Snazzy Napper!

After promoting products Idol White and QuickTrim, the Kardashian sisters have now made their first full-length infomercial, selling a skin care product named Perfect Skin(www.PerfectSkinNow.com). Exciting news, to be sure, but with so many endorsements the Kardashians might be jeopardizing their hard-won reputation for integrity.

The ad for Perfect Skin is not just any old infomercial, but a “reality” infomercial that lets the viewer “go behind the scenes” as Kim, Kourtney and Khloe develop their very own skin care line. (And, yes, this infomercial actually wants us to believe that the Kardashians came up with this product themselves.)

But before they get to the “reality” scenes, this infomercial spends time gushing about the “cultural phenomenon” that is the Kardashians. We are told what successful businesswomen and gorgeous ladies each of them are. (Although the description of Khloe as having “accessible beauty” seems like a backhanded compliment.) The narrator isn’t the only one who gets to praise them either; on the street interviews show people—okay, girls—trying to impress us with how much they adore the Kardashians. One customer fawns, “I was so excited to try a product that the Kardashians use because I feel like they have flawless skin every day, every time you ever see them anywhere.” No one could disagree with that. Everyone who has seen Kim’s sex tape with Ray J is most impressed with how clear her skin looks.

In the first “reality” segment, Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe lounge in their hotel room at the Hilton Bentley in Miami and discuss how often they receive questions from their admiring fans about what skin care product they use. They lament that they have no good recommendations for the little people, because the Kardashians use a proprietary formula designed especially for them. They conclude that the public can be deprived of their secret no longer. Kim enthuses, “We can even have our own commercial” and then gives their “skin care guru”, Dr. Ron DiSalvo, a call.

The remarkable thing about the “reality” scenes in this infomercial is how very similar they seem to what is seen on their TV series Keeping Up with the Kardashians and Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami—with the exception of the burnt-out shell of a bewildered Bruce Jenner shuffling through.

The next scene has Kim and Kourtney folding clothes at their DASH clothing store as they brainstorm names for their new skin care product. After knocking around several suggestions, they decide to name their product…Perfect Skin. Only the fertile minds of the Kardashians could ever conceive of such an original, unique, and completely non-generic name as that!

In between these “reality” bits, we are shown some of the least persuasive “before and after” photos in infomercial history. This is mainly because in the “after” images the use of makeup and professional lighting is obvious, whereas the “before” pictures are the ugliest snapshots they could find (which aren’t really that ugly).

The third “reality” scene consists of Kim in her hotel room opening a package she received in the mail containing the Perfect Skin products. By any measure, watching someone open up a cardboard box is engaging television.

We then get a scene of Mario Lopez on the Extra set reporting on the “rumor” that the Kardashians are working on a “top secret” project in Miami. Allowing their set to be used to film a faux “Extra Exclusive” for an infomercial will finally get that brain-dead gossip-fest TV show the respect it deserves.

The next scene has all three Kardashians in the make-up room as they get ready to shoot the Perfect Skin commercial. The make-up man compliments them for having “great genes.” They protest that their beautiful skin comes not from genes but because their mother constantly nagged them growing up to not touch their face and other such advice. Uhhh…so is their secret their mom’s advice or the Perfect Skin product? Anyway, the fact that Kris Jenner constantly nagged the girls about their beauty growing up is one bit of reality in this infomercial I can actually believe.

The final “reality” segment is kind of confusing. Supposedly, Khloe and Kourtney get tired of waiting for Kim so they decide to shoot the infomercial without her. The two walk on to the set—which has no crew at all—and Kourtney starts working the camera. It is not clear if they are supposed to be actually filming the infomercial or just goofing off before that real shoot. Anyone working on a doctoral thesis on postmodern literary theory ought to consider deconstructing the multiple narrative frames the Perfect Skin infomercial gives us. Anyway, Khloe gets in front of the camera and asks, “How do I look?” to which Kourt replies, “You look gorge”—which may be yet another backhanded compliment. Khloe begins an over-the-top impression of an infomercial host, when Kim enters and gets “upset” that they are taping the infomercial without her. The Kardashians then attempt to impersonate one another. From their impressions I gather that Kim is demure and vain, Khloe is an angry foul-mouth, and Kourtney needs anti-depressants. Great, now we don’t have to bother watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

When they finally get around to discussing Perfect Skin, Khloe Kardashian…excuse me Khloe Kardashian-Odom…tells us, “My husband Lamar, he’s the sweetest guy. The amount of compliments I get from him. You’re like, uhhh, come on. But I never would have thought that someone was really being genuine a year-and-a-half ago…but now I know he’s telling me the truth because I see it if I look in the mirror.” Either that or Lamar is just hoping Khloe will pencil him in for a sex appointment.

The Perfect Skin infomercial ends there, but when it dawns on 14-year-old girls that the “reality” scenes in this obviously scripted infomercial play out in the exact same way as the scenes on the Kardashian “reality” shows, they will encounter a sad but necessary loss of innocence in their maturing into adulthood.
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If you’re still not sick of the Kardashians, watch the Perfect Skin infomercial for yourself:

Although the UGlu (www.GetUGlu.com) all-in-one adhesive tape is a pretty straightforward product, the infomercial for UGlu contains many odd and inexplicable touches. See for yourself:

The host of the UGlu infomercial is rocking both the Vince from ShamWow headset microphone and the Charlie Sheen bowling shirt.

Even more interesting is the fact that two members of Devo are helping him demo the product in the “UGlu testing lab.” It would have been nice if they had worn their energy domes, but the shades and fluorescent green shirts are a good look for them. The best parts are their in media res tug-of-war at the very beginning of the spot, and the end when they stick that spudboy pitchman up against the wall.

The director of the UGlu infomercial must have been a Devo fan, a frustrated performance artist , or both.