Beverage Boy: Want Your Drink Can to Float? The Answer is No.
How fortunate for us that in the midst of their work infomercial producers never pause for a brief moment of reflection and then yell out, “What the HELL are all of us thinking!?!?!!!” Otherwise we would not get to enjoy such a baffling spectacle as the Beverage Boy ad:
Too bad the announcer didn’t open with the well-worn infomercial cliché, “How many times has this happened to you…” so that all of us could recall the many times drinks have been abruptly knocked out of our hands by the playful splashing of frolicking children. Nonetheless, the BevBoy commercial gives us many other memorable lines to contemplate.
“Always the biggest hit at the party, the BevBoy is uniquely designed.”
Of course it is, but only at those parties with no food, music, games, or people who have anything remotely interesting or pleasant to say.
“Lightweight and transportable, the cool new BevBoy frees the hands for more important things.”
Like typing a manuscript? Or crocheting a whimsical apple cozy? Because this infomercial keeps showing us that Jersey Shore-type guy with a girl in a bikini, they probably just mean copping a feel.
“So now you can go back to doing what you do best: having fun in the sun and making new friends”
That is a new achievement in non-sequiturs, practically the Platonic ideal. Maybe the next infomercial from this company will feature the line, “Now that you’ve trimmed your nose hairs, you can get back to putting the finishing touches on a cheese mound sculpture of Liberace’s head.”
It’s unfortunate this infomercial didn’t take advantage of the most obvious sales angle for Beverage Boy: Now urban hipsters can enjoy wading in a swimming pool “ironically” with their ever-present can of PBR floating beside them in a BevBoy.
7 Responses to “Beverage Boy: Want Your Drink Can to Float? The Answer is No.”
Comment by Thomas on January 12, 2014 at 5:30 pm
Comment by Ryan on January 16, 2014 at 1:33 pm
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Comment by Ronnie on April 29, 2016 at 7:46 am