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Beverage Boy: Want Your Drink Can to Float? The Answer is No.

How fortunate for us that in the midst of their work infomercial producers never pause for a brief moment of reflection and then yell out, “What the HELL are all of us thinking!?!?!!!” Otherwise we would not get to enjoy such a baffling spectacle as the Beverage Boy ad:

Too bad the announcer didn’t open with the well-worn infomercial cliché, “How many times has this happened to you…” so that all of us could recall the many times drinks have been abruptly knocked out of our hands by the playful splashing of frolicking children. Nonetheless, the BevBoy commercial gives us many other memorable lines to contemplate.

“Always the biggest hit at the party, the BevBoy is uniquely designed.”

Of course it is, but only at those parties with no food, music, games, or people who have anything remotely interesting or pleasant to say.

“Lightweight and transportable, the cool new BevBoy frees the hands for more important things.”

Like typing a manuscript? Or crocheting a whimsical apple cozy? Because this infomercial keeps showing us that Jersey Shore-type guy with a girl in a bikini, they probably just mean copping a feel.

“So now you can go back to doing what you do best: having fun in the sun and making new friends”

That is a new achievement in non-sequiturs, practically the Platonic ideal. Maybe the next infomercial from this company will feature the line, “Now that you’ve trimmed your nose hairs, you can get back to putting the finishing touches on a cheese mound sculpture of Liberace’s head.”

It’s unfortunate this infomercial didn’t take advantage of the most obvious sales angle for Beverage Boy: Now urban hipsters can enjoy wading in a swimming pool “ironically” with their ever-present can of PBR floating beside them in a BevBoy.

Comments

  • 7 Responses to “Beverage Boy: Want Your Drink Can to Float? The Answer is No.”

  • The product isnt that bad, but it’s not good enough to invest in. I do like the pretty much nonexistent attempt to hide the Minute Maid label on the can.

    Comment by Thomas on January 12, 2014 at 5:30 pm

  • Oh good, it’s lightweight and transportable, unlike those imitation products which are heavy and permanently affixed to the ground.

    Comment by Ryan on January 16, 2014 at 1:33 pm

  • And you know damn well after she’s gone, “Beverage Boy” is gonna use the bottom, long, tubular, rounded ended “stick” for something other than “keeping his beverage upright”… Talk about beefcake… He really wants her out of the pool

    Comment by Winkie Po on January 18, 2014 at 6:44 pm

  • Honestly, I’m more intrigued by the apple cozy.

    Comment by Julie on January 19, 2014 at 11:12 am

  • THE White trash accoutrement for the 2000’s

    Comment by Gee on March 21, 2014 at 6:40 pm

  • In Panama City Beach, these things would sell like hot cakes. The only thing this commercial is missing is an obese woman in a reble flag bikini.

    Comment by Ronnie on April 28, 2016 at 10:15 pm

  • *rebel flag bikini

    Comment by Ronnie on April 29, 2016 at 7:46 am

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