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EZ Butter: Because Slicing Butter is So Hard!!

A certain type of dystopian science-fiction envisions a future in which the human race has been rendered so helpless by technology that men and women are unable to handle even the simplest of tasks for themselves. This sort of scenario is fleshed out quite well in the animated film Wall-E and in the Mike Judge comedy Idiocracy.

The producers of the EZ Butter infomercial do not fear this future at all. In fact, they earnestly hope this future has already arrived:

People used to lament their inability to cook a meal or bake a pie as well as Grandma used to do. Now even Grandma finds herself unable to slice or measure butter!

I sincerely hope the actors in this commercial had to do several dozen takes before delivering lines such as “That’s totally awesome,” “Cool,” and “All right, that is amazing” with a straight face. Otherwise, humanity may indeed be doomed.

Also, the producers of the EZ Butter infomercial missed a great opportunity to offer a free “I Butter” pin, the way the Bacon Bowl infomercial offered an “I Bacon Bowl” pin as a thank you gift to anyone demented enough to buy their product.

Comments

  • 10 Responses to “EZ Butter: Because Slicing Butter is So Hard!!”

  • “Hold on Elizabeth, I’m coming!” Did you see all that butter that was dumped on those pancakes?! A heart attack in the making.

    Comment by She's back on February 2, 2014 at 1:46 pm

  • Safe?! Our long national nightmare of imprecisely cut butter is over!

    Comment by EdgyB on February 6, 2014 at 12:45 pm

  • With one of these in each hand I can dispense butter twice as fast as before!

    Comment by Ryan on February 14, 2014 at 5:02 pm

  • Well gosh and golly, they’d better make a west-coast shaped version (ours are fatter; don’t know why), for me to not buy!

    Comment by Hellbound Allee on February 24, 2014 at 1:16 pm

  • I’m sorry, Paul. I actually have to disagree on this one. Cutting butter really is a huge pain in the behind, and it often leaves crumbs all over the darn thing. Measuring is also a pain in the behind. Why bother getting out the tape measure or kitchen scale when you can just click a few times? Seems a lot cleaner and faster. And what if you’re counting calories? I literally used to break out the kitchen scale every time I cooked with butter to make sure I wasn’t going over for the day.

    Yes, today I am going to be the guy who defends silly-looking inventions. You can all stick to your crappy butterknives out of spite for the rest of your lives. The future awaits me!

    Comment by Random Guy on May 9, 2014 at 2:24 am

  • I’d never buy it because it’s so lame, but I do think it’s very clever.

    Comment by Abbey on November 7, 2014 at 9:37 am

  • I used this in a film once.Well,i mean it was used on ME
    The film in question,Last Tango in Paris

    Comment by Jeanne on December 15, 2014 at 3:30 am

  • Can’t you adjust the pat size? Good grief.

    Comment by Alex on March 7, 2015 at 4:39 pm

  • I eat one stick of butter each day.

    Comment by Ronnie on April 28, 2016 at 10:17 pm

  • Wow, I hate it when I smear the butter and the butter just goes flying 29 feet away from me!

    Comment by ModernDays on November 15, 2016 at 3:13 pm

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