Blog - Ridiculous Infomercial Review

Finally some good news for all who suffer from crotch rot, stink ass, and swamp butt. This is a real commercial for a real product called Doc Bottoms Aspray:

Some thoughts:

1) This is a real product! I know it looks more like a lame infomercial parody someone put on YouTube just for yucks, but if you go to the website listed in the ad you will see that Doc Bottom’s Aspray is indeed for sale.

2) I have never worked in the plumbing industry, but I would not have thought it was common for a plumber to place his nose directly above the butt-crack of a fellow plumber as this commercial shows at 0:06.

3) The commercial says, “You can even Aspray your privates.” Do many people have such pungently smelly crotches that they give off a discernable odor even when fully clothed? Or is Aspray actually intended for more…ahem…intimate moments when another person may come into close contact with one’s genitals?

4) They say this thing is the “All Over Body Spray,” yet they name it “Doc Bottoms” and “Aspray.” They pronounce it “A-Spray” but people will naturally start calling it “Ass Spray.”

5) Host Adam Jay seems like the kind of guy you might find working in a boiler room, hard-selling worthless penny stocks to senile retirees.

6) Did I mention this commercial was for real?

Bralief is a bra strap accessory, similar to Strap Perfect or Chic Shaper. Although most of the commercial for Bralief is pretty straightforward, please watch it until the very end:

Ya gotta love those old school advertising jingles! This is the best one I’ve heard since the Mop Shoe.

I would also like to see some of those “doctors” who actually recommended Bralief. And I’m sure strippers and porn stars from coast to coast will be relieved to learn that the product can be used with “implants.”

The statement “We want you to look good from head to toe” is quite an interesting comment. Ladies, if your sagging mammaries are interfering with your toes, please do all of us a favor and try Bralief.

“Come on ladies get perky!”

Every September the Electronic Retailing Association presents its “ERA Awards” for the best infomercials of the year. (See my take on the ERA Awards for 2008, 2007, and 2006). This year’s awards ceremony was held on September 15 at the Las Vegas ERA convention. So ladies, put on your pearls and gentlemen straighten your bowties as we honor this year’s nominees.

Best Celebrity Presenter

And the nominees are:

Joan Lunden for Murad Resurgence

Billy Mays for Jupiter Jack

Cesar Milan for Cesar Milan

And the winner is…Cesar Milan for Cesar Milan.

I am very surprised that Billy Mays did not win this award, in light of his untimely death. But I was even more surprised that Cesar Milan won this award because I had no earthly idea who Cesar Milan was and had never seen him on an infomercial. Apparently, he has his own TV show called the Dog Whisperer. The ERA Awards people must not have been too familiar with him either because they spell his name “Milan” when it is actually “Millan.” None of his nominations mention the product Ceasar was selling; they simply say “Cesar Milan for Cesar Milan” so maybe he was auctioning off a date with himself to the highest bidder.

(Fortunately, Anthony Sullivan did not storm the stage during Cesar Millan’s acceptance speech and insist that Billy Mays really deserved to win.)

Best Male Presenter

And the nominees are:

Anthony Robbins for Ultimate Edge

Billy Mays and Anthony Sullivan for Omni Dual Saw

Rob Nevins for Skinny Switch Secret

And the winner is…Billy Mays and Anthony Sullivan for Omni Dual Saw

Finally, the recently departed guy gets his due! I can’t recall either Billy Mays or Anthony Sullivan being nominated for one of these awards before; I suspect these nominations go to whoever does the most schmoozing at ERA events, and Mays and Sullivan never bothered before. (Anthony Sullivan’s infomercial for Swivel Sweeper G2 won an award in the “Best Long Form, Housewares” category this year as well.)

I question why Billy Mays got a nomination in the “Celebrity” category but Anthony Robbins got a nomination in the “Male Presenter” category. Mays only became a celebrity for being an infomercial pitchman, and Robbins appears as an “expert” only in infomercials for his own products.

Best Female Presenter

And the nominees are:

Jayne Roberts for Slim N’ Lift Comfort

Jennifer Nicole Lee for Ab Circle Pro

Molly Culver for Three Minute Legs

Tricia Springer for Clearchoice

And the winner is…Jayne Roberts for Slim N’ Lift Comfort

It says something about this category that I haven’t even seen half of these infomercials, and I know Molly Culver only for looking really hot on the old TV series VIP with Pamela Anderson.

Best Short Form of the Year

And the nominees are:

bareMinerals “120”

Meaningful Beauty “Cindy Crawford”

Netflix “To the TV”

Proactiv Solution: Focus on Travel Kit

And the winner is…Meaningful Beauty with Cindy Crawford (yawn)

Last year the ad for Sheer Cover won in this category, and this year yet another boring commercial for a Guthy-Renker product that women smear on their faces got the award.

And now for the most important category:

Best Long Form of the Year

And the nominees are:

bareMinerals “Girlfriends”

Kodak ESP7 Printer

Kodak Easy Share Camera

Meaningful Beauty 2

And the winner is…bareMinerals “Girlfriends”

All the nominees in this category are among the dullest and most forgettable infomercials you will ever see in your life. So, once again, yawn. But I am glad that at least the “Girlfriends” version of the bareMinerals infomercial won and not the “Boyfriends” version.

You can get the complete list of nominees and the list of winners at the ERA website. There are many secondary awards given out in specific categories (Best Live Shopping On-Air Guest, Best Short Form U.S. Hispanic, etc.) so that everyone who shows up can leave “feeling like a winner.”

Among these lesser awards, I noticed that something called “Total Vibes” won “Best International DRTV Production.” I found the commercial video online:

So this thing is a big total body vibrator. I am deeply disappointed this masterpiece didn’t win the “Best Product of the Year” award.

According to the ERA website they “had a record number of entries this year.” Yet it is amazing how few companies continue to dominate (Guthy-Renker, Thane, R2C Group).

I am sad to say that I had to boycott this year’s awards ceremony in protest that the infomercials for Potty Patch, ExtaMax, Comfort Wipe, and the Snuggie for Dogs were not even nominated in any category! It’s an outrage I tell you, an outrage!!

In case you didn’t realize it “Fashion Week” in New York just ended. And one of the major fashions shows at the event featured the Snuggie. Yes, the Snuggie. The world’s most infamous “blankets with sleeves” is, of course, the very antithesis of anything fashionable, so most likely the Snuggie show was some sort of tongue-in-cheek publicity stunt.

You can read about it from the Associated Press report. The show included not only the original Snuggie, but the new Snuggie prints, the Snuggie for Kids, and even the Snuggie for Dogs made its debut on the catwalk. So I guess the piece of trailer trash who picks up a Snuggie from Wal-mart now can convince herself that both she and her Pitbull are sporting haute couture.

An even more frightening development in the Snuggie demimonde is the appearance of the Snuggie Sutra. This website, inspired by the classic work of Indian erotica the Kama Sutra, presents a series of sexual positions that couples can attempt whilst clad in a Snuggie.

Did the TV commercial ever say if the Snuggie was machine washable?

Regular readers know that Infomercial-Hell.com is a humor/entertainment website that highlights the most ridiculous infomercials on the broadcast airwaves. Yet no matter how many disclaimers I put on this site that I “don’t review the products” many people still assume this is some sort of a product review website.

When I added a blog to my website 3 years ago, readers gained the ability to leave comments on the posts. Very often a post will get dozens of comments from people discussing the how good or bad the product itself really works, rather than talking about the infomercial advertising it. You can read the comments on the Snuggie and the Neckline Slimmer posts for examples of that. I’ve allowed these types of comments, even though that is not really what this website is for.

It is apparent that many people who see products advertised on TV want an answer to the question, “Does the Product Work?” So I’ve launched a new website called Does-the-Product-Work.com that will provide the answer. Does the Product Work? gives you an opportunity to rate and review products, especially those “As Seen On TV” items. I started things off by reviewing two products I’ve tried: Jupiter Jack and Proactiv Solution.

But to encourage more people to start sharing their experiences—good and bad—with products they’ve bought, Does the Product Work? is holding a drawing. Every product review that is submitted and approved for publication between now and October 31 will be eligible for a drawing with a first prize of $300! The prizes are as follows:

First prize: $300

Second prize: Steak knives. Actually it is a complete set of Miracle Blade® III knives.

Third prize: A Snuggie. (Hey, it beats getting fired!)

For more details about the contest see the Drawing Rules and the Product Review Guidelines.

There are currently 200 products featured on Does-the-Product-Work.com with many more to come soon. So browse the Product Categories or do a Search to find out if a product you’ve tried is featured. And if you’d like to review a product but can’t find it on the site, please Suggest the Product to us.

(By the way, I wonder how many people will get where I got the idea for the second prize in the drawing.)

Update: I made a promotional video for the drawing. As you can see the production values are real ghetto:

As I said in the video, as of September 24, 2009 there are only 15 eligible reviews on the website. So if you can write an helpful review of a product you have used, you have an excellent chance of winning the $300. www.Does-the-Product-Work.com