Blog - Ridiculous Infomercial Review

Longtime reader Phil Alexander was the person who originally sent us the tape of the bizarre Santo Gold infomercial, and he has recently uncovered two fascinating bits of info about Santo.

First is this listing on Ebay from June of this year which sells the negative to the movie Blood Circus. (In case the archived listing is taken down, I’ve saved a screenshot of the Blood Circus auction.) The “Starting bid” listed is a mere $21 million, down considerably from the $1 billion price Santo was asking on his official site a few years ago. (And you get “Free shipping” as well!)

However, a look at the text of the auction description indicates that Santo was actually hoping to sell for a lot more than the starting bid:

This is the actual original Santo Golds Blood Circus Wrestling Movie 35 MM Film Reels. NEW.

Asking price, Seven Hundred and Fifty Million. Includes insurance.

You can buy a Partnership in it. All bids will be considered.

That may seem like a lot of money, but you have to think of it as an investment. If you buy the rights to Blood Circus for $750 million, and sell DVDs at $25 a piece, then you have to sell only 30 million copies to break even!

Phil also discovered this biography of Santo on the “Talk” page of the Blood Circus Wikipedia entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Santo_Gold%27s_Blood_Circus#SANTO_GOLD.27S_BLOOD_CIRCUS_BIOGRAPHY

Here someone who claims to “have known The Rigatuso Family for over 60 years” seeks to set the record straight about Santo Gold. It starts out by claiming, “Santo Gold is a Living Legend since 1983. He is known and respected Worldwide by millions. His songs and performances have aired on National TV hundreds of thousands of times.” It then relates the various glories of the life and impact of Santo Gold.

After discussing how ubiquitous the Santo Gold infomercial was, the author offers this peculiar tidbit: “People would call their friends, SANTO GOLD, or make statements like ‘Now don’t be a Santo Gold.’”

And which one of us can ever forget the first time a person told us, “‘Now don’t be a Santo Gold.”

This bio ends with an attempt to clear Santo of criminality by admitting his many acts of gross incompetence as a businessman, including:

• Hiring a CPA who had a nervous breakdown and lost his records (which were later found “in a bottom of a barrel”).
• Sending payment to the IRS but forgetting to including a Social Security number.
• Hiring an do-nothing attorney.
• Hiring employees who stole from him.

If the people in this video were Santo’s employees, then that last point might actually be plausible:

Former talk show host and current infomercial star Montel Williams is out with a brand new infomercial, this one for the Living Pure Pro Series 4-in-1 Heater. I thought I would do everyone a service by warning that the Living Pure heater commercial a complete snooze-fest. True, it is not as mind-numbing as Montel’s ad for the AbCoaster, but unless you are having trouble sleeping you should definitely skip this one.

The Living Pure program abandons the “Living Well with Montel” fake talk show format of his previous infomercials. Instead, this is a straight infomercial format with Montel Williams and veteran infomercial hostess Forbes Riley talking about the product in between customer testimonials. The infomercial opens with Forbes and Montel making an annoying attempt at “witty” banter about the proper temperature to set the thermostat.

The Living Pure Pro is called a “4-in-1″ heater because the unit works as a heater, an air purifier, a humidifier, and an air filter. Montel wanted to call it a “5-in-1″ heater…but the manufacturer didn’t think lighting blunts was a feature they should advertise.

Of the many testimonials featured on the Living Pure infomercial, two are notable.

The senior lady above lets us know, “In the winter I find that I do dry out.” Ewwww, Grandma! We don’t need to know about your personal life!

Then there is this man:

The producers of the Living Pure Pro infomercial have uncovered yet another of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love children!

In spite of these brief moments of respite, take my advice and watch the Genie Bra infomercial for the 500th time instead.

The latest in the ongoing Kevin Trudeau court case occurred on November 29, when the 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Chicago upheld a $37.6 million fine that had been earlier imposed on Trudeau. You can read the story here: http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/11/29/us-trudeau-pitchman-idUSTRE7AS2P720111129

It appears, however, that the court had thrown out the earlier 3 year ban on infomercials imposed on Trudeau. Instead, the court upheld a requirement that Kevin Trudeau post a $2 million bond “before he participates in any ‘infomercial for any book, newsletter, or other informational publication, about the benefits, performance, or efficacy of any product, program or service referenced in any such [publication].’” In other words, Trudeau will have to supply the FTC with a $2 million bond before he airs an infomercial, and if he once again engages in deceptive practices the FTC will then keep the bond.

You can read the entire court decision at http://www.leagle.com/

It appears that Kevin’s magic genie and GIN/Illuminati buddies are letting him down on this one.

Here is yet another example of a Pillow Pets rip-off with a really annoying commercial jingle. The Get Me Out Pillow is a stuffed animal that can be converted into a pillow. (Sound familiar?)

Their ladybug even looks a lot like a Pillow Pet. Compare the ladybug Get Me Out Pillow…

with the ladybug Pillow Pet…

And the jingle is not to be missed:

Although the song is certainly annoying, the most disturbing thing about this product is the name “Get Me Out Pillow,” which they incorporate into the lyrics:

Discover a surprise within,
Not just a pillow but a cozy friend,
Unzip the zipper and you may just hear it shout,
As it says, “Get me out!”

The phrase “Get me out” is something you would expect to hear from a kidnapping victim stuck in a car trunk, a person trapped at the bottom of a well, a prisoner chained to a dungeon, or a child locked inside an old-fashioned refrigerator quickly running out of oxygen.

All of which makes it an odd name for a cute stuffed animal.

Longtime reader Phil Alexander let us know that “Noam the Pitchman” from the ID Blocker infomercial has his very own website. You will find it at www.NoamThePitchman.com

Among the more interesting pages on Noam’s site is a “Guess the Funny Accent Game” where users can pick among five choices as to the origin of his distinctive way of speaking. (My earlier speculation about Noam being Italian or Israeli were both incorrect.)

There is also a contest page where users are encouraged to submit their own videos that “make fun of Noam.” Their currently featured “winner of the month” is a rather pathetic CGI animation. A “Pitchman Game” encourages people to affix Noam stickers on unusual places and to submit photos of any Noam stickers they may come across. (The stickers are free!)

Available for sale is a Noam ringtone and a Noam T-shirt. A photo gallery features old pictures of Noam doing live pitches.

Apparently someone is pushing really hard for Noam to become the next Billy Mays…or at least the next Vince Offer!