Glow Vest Fits Every Member of Your Space Alien Landing Crew

Is making yourself look like a human carnival ride better than being struck by an automobile? Glow Vest puts that question to the test:

The Glow Vest infomercial’s combination of blinking lights and hypnotic, otherworldly background music make it seem like a low-budget 1970s Sci-Fi flick or one of the many videos of the Unarius UFO cult. Glow Vest may make you safer but won’t be so safe for all the drivers afraid you’re part of the advance landing crew for an imminent space invasion. Complete the look by adding Slim Suit and YumaLite to your Glow Vest.

The infomercial touts Glow Vest as perfect for bicyclists, joggers…and motorcycle riders—as if a rugged Hell’s Angel who has spent so much time in biker bars, tattoo parlors, state prisons, and meth labs would throw away his well-cultivated macho image by being seen in a Glow Vest when straddling his Harley hog.

They completely ignore a more likely group of potential customers: Streetwalkers, who would benefit by wearing a Glow Vest and nothing else while trolling for tricks at 2 AM.

But nearly anyone desperate to attract undue attention to themselves will benefit from Glow Vest because “one size fits most.” Sorry, Sylvia Browne.


  • 2 Responses to “Glow Vest Fits Every Member of Your Space Alien Landing Crew”

  • “One size fits MOST,” says the announcer, “making it the ideal safety protection for EVERY member of the family!’ Hrm, little flaw in their logic, I think, can’t quite put my finger on it.

    But look on the bright side, at least they didn’t do the obvious and adapt ‘Go West’ with Village People imitators wearing Glow Vests on top of their usual police uniform, cowboy suit, etc and singing ‘GLOW VEST, keep one in your car, GLOW VEST, they’ll see you from afar…’

    Oh no, what have I just done…

    Comment by Paul on May 21, 2013 at 1:56 pm

  • I can see how this product can be helpful. Ask any jogger.

    Comment by EllisGL on August 17, 2013 at 7:57 pm