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Password Minder Uses the Cutting Edge Technology of Paper to Keep You Safe

Give Telebrands Corp credit for having the brass balls to come up with a product like Password Minder and sell it like this:

The secret to Password Minder is an amazing technology derived from the renewable resource of wood pulp, which is carefully formed into an amazing substance that experts refer to as “paper.” This bleeding edge paper technology has been previously employed in notebooks and address books found in 99.99% of households.

As the infomercial indicates, Password Minder is “not just for passwords. It also stores your software licenses, network settings, and tricky e-mail configurations.” But that greatly understates the remarkable versatility of this product. With the use of a pen or pencil (sold separately), you can even use Password Minder to:

  • Play fun games like Tic Tac Toe and Hangman
  • Solve quadratic equations
  • Write dirty limericks

Not only is it bringing this multipurpose paper tech to the masses, but this product also heralds a new era in Internet security. As the infomercial tells us Password Minder “features a discreet leatherette-bound cover to ensure your passwords stay a secret.” As one woman puts it, “I don’t have to worry any more about security or identity theft. I now have all my passwords in one place.”

For years, highly educated computer scientists have been working on complex algorithms to defeat hackers, when the real key to Internet security has been a “leatherette-bound cover.” Pickpockets may be able to steal your purse and burglars might know how to break into your house, but they’ll never figure out how to open a book!

To show my appreciation to all the hardworking identity thieves who read this website, I reproduce the usernames and passwords shown on the Password Minder infomercial:

It’s a last hurrah before you have to find a new line of work.

A Moxie Award nomination for “Best Supporting Actress” goes to the old lady who “pounds” her desk in frustration one millisecond after her computer crashes.

The only thing that would have made the Password Minder infomercial even more incredible is if they had boldly declared, “Not Sold in Stores!”

Comments

  • 7 Responses to “Password Minder Uses the Cutting Edge Technology of Paper to Keep You Safe”

  • How is this thing “guaranteed”?? Does that mean if someone sees your passwords in the book and uses them to steal your bank accounts that you can get your $10 back???

    Comment by bookendz on March 11, 2013 at 4:34 pm

  • The seal at the bottom of the “Safe Computer Guarantee” (1:08 into the ad) says “Seal”.

    Amazing.

    Comment by billytheskink on March 12, 2013 at 12:06 pm

  • This one is going in my top 5 bad infomercial products, which is saying something given the competition from the many other items on this blog. This is nothing but a friggin’ cheap day planner with the pages formatted to write down passwords!

    Comment by c_plus on March 16, 2013 at 3:15 pm

  • “Bleeding edge” is right. You can really cut yourself on one of those paper thingies!!

    And where the hell am I going to find a “pen or pencil”?? Why can’t I just use the blood from my finger?

    The “Seal” is a nice touch. (Nice catch, Skink!)

    Comment by Julie on March 17, 2013 at 5:58 pm

  • Isn’t the woman who pounds her fist at the desk the same actor shown in the display image for the Instant 20/20 glasses? Just noticed they look awfully alike.

    Comment by Jeff W. on March 30, 2013 at 10:26 pm

  • You do know that this product, is no longer available right?

    Plus it was ‘featured’on the Ellen DeGeneres show, she even has some suggestions too!

    Comment by Jeremy Clarkson on May 17, 2013 at 2:11 pm

  • this product needs a disclaimer
    *** Will NOT work for dyslexics ***

    Comment by Johnny Cocksville on February 13, 2014 at 3:19 pm

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