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Dessert Bullet Infomercial Marks the Death of the Wacky Magic Bullet Sitcoms

Dearly beloved, it is with a great and nearly inconsolable sadness that I bring news of a death. Not the death of a human being but the death of the kind of wacky, character-driven Magic Bullet product infomercials we have all come to know and love over the past decade.

The first sign of this impending doom came in July 2012 when the Nutribullet infomercial aired. Although this product was an extension of the Magic Bullet line, the infomercial was not the sitcom/infomercial mash up we had come to expect, but merely a mundane product demo from a man named David Wolfe. Although the Nutribullet infomercial was an abomination, there were reasons to hope it was merely an aberration: The ad barely mentioned the product’s connection to the Magic Bullet, and neither Mick Hastie nor any of the previous cast members were involved. So when a rumor of a new Magic Bullet infomercial starring Mick popped up last September, there was reason to hope that the old glory would be restored.

The new infomercial is now out, and it is very clear the Nutribullet format has vanquished the Magic Bullet format. The latest product is the Dessert Bullet, “The 10 Second Healthy Dessert Maker,” which is basically a Yonanas rip-off that makes desserts from fruit as a healthier alternative to ice cream and frozen yogurt. The Dessert Bullet infomercial was filmed from what Mick calls “Magic Bullet headquarters,” even though it is clear this thing was filmed on a set. This set isn’t made to look like anyone’s living room. There is no pretense that a party is taking place or that guests are recovering from a night of nefarious deeds.

The generic audience watching Mick and his new co-host, Stephanie Siemiller, are just supposed to be people there for a product demo. It is clear, however, that the audience is made of paid actors—and bad ones at that. They nod in robotic agreement at everything they see, and deliver forgettable lines such as “Tastes just like cherry chocolate ice cream.”

Unlike the Nutribullet infomercial, which seemed almost embarrassed to be associated with the Magic Bullet, Mick makes clear that the Dessert Bullet is part of the “family” that includes the Magic Bullet, Baby Bullet, Party Bullet, and Nutribullet. (The Magic Bullet to Go and the Bullet Express go unmentioned.) Also given Mick’s imprimatur as “part of the Bullet family” is their “in-house nutrition expert” David Wolfe, host of the Nutribullet infomercial, who gets to prepare a Dessert Bullet recipe for the audience as well.

All this is an indication that this is what we can expect from the Magic Bullet infomercials from now on. David Wolfe making recipes is part of the family; drunken grandmas, overweight party animals, and cigarette hags who fornicate in tents are not. The fact of the matter is that the Nutribullet has been an enormously successful product—as evidenced by the multiple times every day its dull infomercial is on the air. Though it debuted around the same time, the Party Bullet infomercial, with its madcap story of a funeral transformed into a drunken orgy, has barely been seen on TV.

Although Mick tries to be his usual friendly self, he seems somewhat dispirited and at times appears to be going through the motions during the Dessert Bullet program. He probably misses trading quips with Mimi and barbs with Granny, but grudgingly accepts that the purpose of an infomercial is to make money and not to have fun. Imagine what Berman, who obviously enjoyed desserts and could have lost a few pounds, would have had to say about all these low calorie treats. And who knows what kinds of alcohol Hazel or Grandma from the Baby Bullet would have insisted on adding to the “frozen lemonade” recipe. From now on, all of us will have to turn to Magic Bullet fan fiction to find out how our favorite characters would have reacted to the latest products.

Now that you have been warned, try to hold back tears of grief as you watch the Dessert Bullet infomercial for yourself:

Be sure to honor the memory of our departed loved ones by enjoying a cocktail mixed in your favorite Magic Bullet blender.

Comments

  • 7 Responses to “Dessert Bullet Infomercial Marks the Death of the Wacky Magic Bullet Sitcoms”

  • This makes me want to cry. Those old ones are classics.

    Comment by Kyle Varnell on December 2, 2013 at 6:08 pm

  • Looking back to last summer, the earliest sign that the sitcom-style commercials were falling out of favor was not the NutriBullet commercial, but that the Party Bullet infomercial did not the full half-hour treatment.

    You could look at the Magic Bullet series like this:
    -The first Magic Bullet sets up the universe and establishes loveable characters whose exploits we want to follow.
    -Magic Bullet to Go forms a strong second act and raises the stakes by transplanting the characters to an “exotic” locale and introducing the romantic subplot of breakout characters Berman and Hazel.
    -Bullet Express is where the cracks are starting to form. Despite the consistent presence of Mick and Mimi, this entry suffers not only from the absence of Hazel and Berman, but also from the pale attempts to copy them (I.e. Ralph and Grandma).
    -Baby Bullet is sort of the 2009 Star Trek movie: an attempt to reboot the franchise while simultaneously making it a part of what came before, as illustrated by the token appearance of Mick Hastie as the delivery man who may or may not be the Mick character of the previous installments.
    -Party Bullet is really the last hurrah of the original series. Hazel’s back, but looks to have been recast, and once again, the audience is left with another lame (and rather pervy) Berman imitation. It’s definitely the strangest entry in the series, but one gets the sense they knew this would be it, that try knew it would be straightforward product demos from now on. So, like the cast dancing around nude on camera on a show that’s already doomed with cancellation, the makers of the Part Bullet commercial decided to go nuts.

    Comment by Thomas on December 2, 2013 at 10:08 pm

  • I think the real reason why the Wacky Magic Bullet Sitcom style has fallen by the wayside likely has more to do with that age old Hollywood tradition of actors thinking they’re bigger than the project that capitulated them to fame. Mimi, Hazel, Berman, et al demanded a substantial pay raise because each felt their character made the infomercial. When the Magic Bullet people at Magic Bullet Headquarters balked, the gang left to pursue lucrative film careers. This is when we saw Ike, Tina, etc. enter the picture. Mimi stuck around for one more episode because she had some loyalty to Mick but then she too decided to ditch that mess for a film career. The producers obviously tried to hold on to the formula (hence the Bullet Express, Baby Bullet & Party Bullet infomericals) but natch, those paled in comparison to the original so the producers have given up on the formula and decided to go back to the tried and boring formula.

    I blame David Caruso for this.

    Comment by Kyla on December 5, 2013 at 7:00 pm

  • I have to admit. I still enjoyed this infomercial, but not as much as the magic bullet one. Oh yeah, and I was totally eating a bowl of Golden Oreo ice cream while I watched! XD

    Comment by Jennyfire on December 9, 2013 at 9:00 pm

  • I was hoping Toronto mayor Rob Ford would have replaced Berman in the latest infomercial.

    Comment by euGene on December 12, 2013 at 5:07 pm

  • They highlighted ‘Annato’ as a ‘nasty food coloring agent’… But it’s the seed of a plant that grows in the tropics called the lipstick tree. It’s neither hazardous nor malnutricious. Mr. Wolfe needs to research his botanical culinary knowledge before he makes a worse fool out of himself!

    Comment by Aaron on January 20, 2014 at 5:26 pm

  • Pleased to report that the old original MB infomercial has resurfaced tonight here in the UK as of June 30th 2014!! Yes!!!! We’ve been laughing along with Mick, Mimi, Hazel, Berman, the thick question lady and all the gang along with the shitty mush maker itself! There’s hope yet!!!

    Comment by Gary on June 29, 2014 at 1:45 pm

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