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Infomercial Hell has fun with some of the most laughable infomercials ever broadcast. This site does not review products and neither endorses nor condemns any of the products sold on the infomercials.


Magic Bullet To Go

Mick Hastie, Mimi Umidon

"3 Easy Payments of Only $19.99"

Airdate Circa:
April 2008

Homeland Housewares


“Thanks for the socks, big boy.”

“We're in the middle of the woods! Where are you going to plug that thing in?”

“Whoa, that is magic!”

“You've got a delicious frozen mocha coffee drink...just like the ones you get at the fancy coffee shops.”

“For campfire coffee that's pretty darn good.”

“Omelet? That’s not camping food! Flapjacks, now that’s a hardy breakfast.”

“Now how would you know? She always makes me chop it. I hate it.”

“But what about onions? Cause she makes me chop those too. I think she just likes to see me cry.”

“Wow! Who would have thought you could have mousse in the woods?”

“Are you ready guys: Mick and Mimi's famous 15 minute party!”

“Hey you guys, you know what else a party needs? Dips!”

“Oh, oh, oh! How about some of that...the green junk.”

“Like a fresh virgin strawberry margarita for you, Tina.”

“Hands off! That's mine!”


  • Buy the Magic Bullet To Go

    Find a great deal on the Magic Bullet To Go cordless blender.
  • Bullet Express Infomercial

    In this 3rd Magic Bullet infomercial, Mick and Mimi reveal that their relatives include a weak copy of Berman and two weak copies of Hazel.
  • Party Bullet Infomercial

    Mick, Mimi, Hazel and some Berman-wannabe named "Sherman" crash a funeral and immediately start serving cocktails to all the mourners.
  • The Magic Bullet Infomercial Scripts

    As a public service, we make available transcripts of all four infomercials in the increasingly misnamed Magic Bullet trilogy to facilitate public performance of this epic drama.


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Magic Bullet To Go

The infomercial for the Original Magic Bullet charted a bold new course in direct-response marketing by using its scripted format and colorful cast of characters to explore themes of mid-life suburban angst while whipping up salsa in a mini-blender. The Magic Bullet To Go infomercial is the exciting sequel to the groundbreaking original. Fans will be pleased to know that everything they loved about the previous Magic Bullet infomercial is on abundant display here. First of all, your favorite characters return: Hazel, Berman, Mick, Mimi, and Tina. (And, yes, Tina is the name of the perpetually amazed blonde who went unnamed in the previous infomercial.) Some of the minor characters are missing—namely Ike, Fred, and Wilma—but they’ve been replaced with an equally interesting set of characters with names inspired by the Flinstones: Betty, Barney, and Dino. One has to wonder why the older characters/actors were replaced. Were their acting skills deemed not sufficient to let them appear on the Magic Bullet to Go infomercial? Did some of the actors (cough*Ike*cough) think they were just too big to appear in the sequel and are instead trying to parley their appearance in the first Magic Bullet infomercial into some sort of a movie career, much like John Travolta did with Welcome Back, Kotter? The world may never know.

The premise of this infomercial is that Mick and Mimi have taken their friends on a camping trip. The activities Mick and Mimi have planned for this camping excursion do not include hikes, nature walks or camp fires; instead they have their friends gather around and ask stupid questions while the couple prepares food with the Magic Bullet To Go blender. So instead of a half hour of people gawking at the Original Magic Bullet in Mick and Mimi’s kitchen, we get a half hour of people gawking at the Magic Bullet To Go in the outdoors.

Drunks with Benefits: Hazel and Berman Hook Up

The most amazing news for fans of the Original Magic Bullet infomercial is that not only are Berman and Hazel back but they…brace yourself…hook up!

Talk about bumpin’ uglies!

Here is the incredible scenario presented by the Magic Bullet To Go:

As the campers are gathered around, Mimi puts an omelet onto Dino’s plate. “Here you go, Dino. A piping hot Denver omlet. Look at that.”

Unexpectedly, Hazel emerges—cigarette once again dangling from her lips—out of one of the tents rasping, “Omelet? That’s not camping food! Now flapjacks, that’s a hearty breakfast.”

Mick and Mimi are stunned because they apparently didn’t know Hazel was there camping with them at all.

Bewildered, Mimi asks, “Hazel? When did you get here?”

Trying to figure out where Hazel spent the night, a confused Mick stammers, “Did you just…? Which…?”

The answer comes when Hazel walks with a suspicious gait over to Berman, pats him on the back, hands him some socks and says, “Thanks for the socks big boy!” To which Berman silently bows his head in humiliation as the rest of the group belts out a disgusted, “Ewwwwwwwwwww!”

No doubt the Magic Bullet To Go’s unique take on the Walk of Shame/Stride of Pride phenomenon will make this infomercial a classic among the college crowd, many of whom enjoy watching late night infomercials whilst inebriated. Here Berman feels all the shame while Hazel gets to take the stride, the part of Hazel’s brain that could feel shame having long ago been obliterated by alcohol.

Just as the Original Magic Bullet infomercial broke ground in its treatment of binge drinking, so this one does the same for booty calls in the woods. This has to be the first infomercial not selling a sex product that deals with two of its participants doing the horizontal mambo. If Berman could do the deed with Hazel, then those Magic Bullet daiquiris have an effect many times more powerful than any mere beer goggle!

“Hazel? When Did You Get Here?”

If you can get the image of a sweaty, naked Hazel writhing on top of a near-comatose Berman out of your head, you should contemplate the other strange thing about this scene. Hazel was apparently not supposed to be a guest on Mick and Mimi’s camping trip, but suddenly showed up anyway and emerged from Berman’s tent. So why wasn’t Hazel invited in the first place and how did she get to the campsite without anybody noticing?

I suspect that Mick and Mimi got sick of Hazel ruining their parties with her cigarette smoke and uncomfortable non-sequiturs. So they did take Hazel with them on the drive to the forest, but as soon as she passed out from those Magic Bullet margaritas (not long) they dumped her body in some remote ditch and set up camp several miles away—kind of like abandoning a family dog in the woods. But like any good canine, Hazel the hooch-hound was able to track them down. She proceeded to seduce Berman in the few moments before he blacked out entirely and then put on his socks to warm up her callused and varicose-veined feet. Seeing their latest scheme to get rid of Hazel foiled, Mick and Mimi make her banana and pecan pancakes with the Magic Bullet To Go.

The Battery: A Brand New Technology No One Has Ever Heard Of

As Mick and Mimi demonstrate the wonders of the Magic Bullet To Go, their guests cannot comprehend how that it can possibly whip up such wonderful foods even though it is not plugged into an electrical outlet. “We’re in the middle of the woods. Where are you going to plug that thing in?” asks Berman (which is also the same line Hazel gave him the night before). As they proceed, Barney warns, “Hey, Mick, I think you’re going to have a problem.” Dino turns to Tina and marvels, “I don’t understand. That’s an electrical appliance.” When the blender runs, Dino exclaims, “Whoa! That is magic!” Although Mick and Mimi’s camping buddies all seem like normal, contemporary Americans, apparently none of them has ever heard of a battery before! When they see themselves on the TV infomercial, they’ll be stunned that it’s a “talkie.”

Dino the Dumbass

Dino seems the most amazed that an appliance could run without a plug. Apparently Tina dumped Ike from the previous Magic Bullet infomercial and found herself a man she could better control—a man even dumber than herself. When Mick asks him what he wants in his omelet, he just looks really confused and eventually Tina has to ask for a Denver omelet for him. Dino’s wit shines through in this clever repartee with Mimi:

Mimi: Hey you guys, you know what else a party needs? Dips!

Dino: Oh, oh, oh! How about some of that…the green junk.

Mimi: Guacamole?

Dino: Yeah!

With Dino there they’ve already got a “dip”—guacamole or not. Even more telling than Dino’s idiotic statements are his dimwitted facial expressions, most of which resemble those of dope fiends from Reefer Madness without the menace. A great topic for discussion is whether Dino is supposed to be stoned or just severely brain damaged. Tina reacts to her lover mainly by rolling her eyes.

Barney the Desperate Husband

The other new guy among Mick and Mimi’s posse is Barney, who is married to Betty. Between Dino and Barney there seems to be a “Stepford Husbands” theme going on in this infomercial. Barney is a henpecked hubby, a hurt and lonely man emotionally abused by his wife. We never actually see Betty treat Barney like dirt in this infomercial, but his statements reveal a man badly in need of a hug:

Mick: What’s the worst job in the kitchen?

Mimi: And, if you’re like Mick, almost every meal starts with it.

Betty: Chopping garlic.

Barney: Now how would you know? She always makes me chop it. I hate it.

Mick: Well, Barney, it’s not miserable anymore.

Barney’s need to discuss his domestic woes soon rears its head again:

Barney: That’s actually pretty cool. But what about onions? Cause she makes me chop those too. I think she just likes to see me cry.

Mimi (sympathetically): Ohhhh!

The Magic Bullet To Go infomercial may be the first TV infomercial to explore the desperation of a husband trapped in a loveless marriage—which is an extremely strange thing to do in something that’s supposed to be selling a cordless mini-blender!

What’s next for Betty and Barney? Divorce? Barney’s suicide? Forcing Barney to watch as she cuckolds him with her Argentinean lover?

It will take a lot more than a Magic Bullet to save this relationship.

Still, Barney should cheer up: At least he didn’t screw Hazel!

Tina, the Beach, and the “Virgin” Margarita

After showing off the Magic Bullet to Go for a while, Mick suddenly decides to take everybody to a beach located a short walking distance from their campground. When they arrive we can see that there are a least a dozen other people at the beach. What the hell? A few minutes earlier they were extolling how the Magic Bullet To Go could work even in the “middle of nowhere,” making it seem like they were light years away from civilization. Then suddenly we find out they are only a short walk away from a fairly crowded beach.

As you might suspect, the beach activities Mick and Mimi have planned for their friends do not include swimming, sunbathing, or playing volleyball. No, once again they force their friends to sit around and watch them make things in a blender. Only this time they don’t make omelets and “flapjacks” but everyone’s favorite “frozen drinks.” Perhaps they hope Hazel passes out again so they can dump her body at sea.

Mimi makes a “fresh virgin strawberry margarita” for Tina. She emphasizes the word “virgin” and Tina looks embarrassed, as if it is some kind of a big in-joke that anything “virgin” would be associated with Tina. I’ll let you decide exactly what that means, but I suspect on the next version of the Magic Bullet infomercial Dino will be gone and Tina will have dragged some new stud to Mick and Mimi’s latest shindig.

At the end of this beach excursion, Mick says, “C’mon let’s get this party started because we only got a few minutes before the game starts.” In the next scene, Mick and Mimi are in the parking lot of some sports stadium demonstrating the Magic Bullet To Go, but Hazel, Berman, Tina, Dino, Barney, and Betty are nowhere to be seen. What happened to them? Yet another bit of bullet fast magic?

Perhaps we will find out in the exciting conclusion to the Magic Bullet trilogy.


  • About Last Night...

    The scene in which the world discovers that Hazel and Berman got their freak on.

  • Barney's Life of Quiet Desparation

    Barney reveals just what his wife Betty has been doing to him. The Magic Bullet isn't going to fix this marriage.

  • Dino the Dumbass

    All of the idiotic statments uttered by Dino, Tina's latest stud.

  • Magic Bullet To Go Infomercial, Part 1

    The producers of the Magic Bullet To Go infomercial, Homeland Housewares, have put up video of the entire infomercial in three parts. This segment includes the idiot campers astonished at a battery, Hazel and Berman's shame revealed, and Barney and Betty's unhappy marriage.

  • Magic Bullet To Go Infomercial, Part 2

    In this less-than-exciting segment Berman gives thumbs up to a quesadilla and Dino enjoys mousse in the woods.

  • Magic Bullet To Go Infomercial, Part 3

    In the final segment, Mick and Mimi drag everyone to the beach and then go have some kind of a tailgate party.