Blog - Ridiculous Infomercial Review

Three years after being arrested for beating a hooker, Vince Offer is back with his first infomercial since the ShamWow and Slap Chop. This time he is selling a sticky lint roller called the Schticky (www.TheSchtickyRoller.com):

Although Vince is probably pleased to be back in the public eye, the Schticky commercial must be something of a letdown for him. Vince said in a January 2009 interview with CNBC that “I don’t want to be [the next Billy Mays]. I’m in the film business, this is not my career.” Nevertheless, his 2010 attempt to reboot his Underground Comedy Movie by adding a scene with Lindsay Lohan didn’t turn him into a mainstream actor. So Vince is once again working as an infomercial pitchman.

It is worth comparing and contrasting the Schticky infomercial with Vince’s previous pitches.

The Differences:

• Better Production Values – The production quality here (lighting, editing, sets) is noticeably improved from the ShamWow commercial, which was just Vince standing in front of a blue screen. In fact, the level of production is equivalent to a high budget mainstream television commercial.
• More Humor – Sure, Vince always tried to bring the funny in his pitches, but humor seems to be a much bigger part of the Schticky ad. In fact “schticky” refers both to the name of the lint roller as well as to how it is being sold here. It must please Vince to get closer to his roots as a wannabe comic actor.
• Reference to His Arrest – Vince’s first post-arrest infomercial doesn’t let that incident go to waste:

The Similarities:

• Rip Off Product – The ShamWow and Slap Chop were both commonly available products (a shammy and a mini-chopper, respectively) touted as something new and innovative. Likewise, sticky lint rollers have been sold at retail for years before Vince tried to make the Schticky into something new.

The ShamWow and Slap Chop also both ripped off products that had been pitched by Billy Mays (Zorbeez and Quick Chop, respectively). Now that Billy Mays isn’t around, Vince decides to rip-off the Sticky Wicky lady instead.

• Double Entendre – In the Slap Chop infomercial, Vince told us, “You’re gonna love my nuts.” Here he informs us, “Problem with that shedding pussy? Pick up cat hairs from clothes.” Later, a man who barges in on him apologizes by saying, “You’re playing with your Schitcky. I’m sorry.”
• “We Can’t Do This All Day” – Yes, Vince repeats the same line he made famous in the ShamWow infomercial. Vince also tosses the Schticky over his shoulder just as he did with the Slap Chop.

Overall, however, the producers of the Schticky infomercial missed out on a great opportunity by not offering a part to Vince’s hooker…either that or they could have had Vince beat the Sticky Wicky lady like a whore.

Actresses often lament the lack of substantive roles for women. Whether it be on stage, screen, or television, female parts are too often merely supporting characters. That’s why it is always a cause for celebration when something comes along that truly allows lady thespians to show the artistic depths of their craft.

The role I am referring to is, of course, that of “Woman Whose Butt is Cold on the Toilet” on the Toastie Tush infomercial:

As a lifelong Californian, I have never given much thought to how cold a toilet seat can get, but many a frostbitten rear end throughout the Northeast and Midwest longs for the warmth provided by Toastie Tush. (By the way, “Toastie Tush” beat out many other possible product names, including “Burning Buns” and “Balmy Butt.”)

Toastie Tush offers “three adjustable heat settings” and is “UL listed safe,” which will alleviate fears that the product will turn your toilet into a fecal urine soup bowl.

Now during those chilly winter months glutei maximi can go from this…

to this…

And, yes, the Toastie Tush infomercial actually ends with the trademarked phrase, “You’ll Never Want to ‘GO’ Without it!”™

Kevin Trudeau thinks of himself as a brave truth-teller boldly exposing the lies of greedy pharmaceutical companies and banks. He believes his legal troubles are simply an attempt by a corrupt Federal government—obeying the orders of its corporate paymasters—to silence an honest whistleblower.

So what does this valiant champion of truth, justice, and the American way do next?

Shamelessly attempts to fool the public into thinking his paid infomercial is a legitimate investigative news program called “Investigating Free Money.” Have a look at it yourself:

The most important part comes right at the start, when this appears on the screen:

It says “The following program is a paid advertisement for Kevin Trudeau’s Free Money.” Yet that disclaimer takes 3 seconds of the 28 minute “program”—making it certain most viewers will never even see it. (That same small print disclaimer is also placed quietly on the bottom of the screen a few other times during the program; it amounts to another handful of seconds total.) If a “big corporation” pulled a stunt like this Kevin Trudeau would probably spend hours ranting about it on his radio show.

This advertisement is carefully patterned after well known investigative journalism programs like 20/20, Dateline NBC and 60 Minutes. They even have host Misha Di Bono sitting in front of a mock magazine layout just as 60 Minutes does with its reporters:

Trusting Misha DiBono to “investigate” Kevin Trudeau is as crazy as trusting Ronald McDonald to investigate a Big Mac.

This program pretends as if it is going to expose Trudeau as a fraud by tracking down the people mentioned in his book and finding out if they really got all the money he claimed. When they do get these people in front of a camera—surprise!—they insist they really did get all the thousands or millions of dollars Kevin said they did.

The infomercial is very slickly produced and a lot of people will be fooled by it. No doubt Kevin Trudeau’s Illuminati/Bilderberger mentors in GIN have trained him well in the dark arts of PsyOps. (The previous sentence was a joke, by the way.)

The sad thing is that for all his ranting Kevin Trudeau does sometimes make important points about government threatening free speech and arbitrarily harassing businesses they don’t like. (For example, the impending SOPA bill making its way through Congress is a true assault on free speech and free enterprise on the Internet.) Yet even on those rare occasions when he says something valid, Kevin Trudeau remains a deeply flawed and self-serving messenger.

To appreciate the unique marketing for Ageless Male pills (www.AgelessMale.com), you have to compare it to how similar products have sold themselves.

The sleazy tone for most “male enhancement” commercials was set by ExtenZe, which began airing TV ads 10 years ago and is still being advertised today. The first version of the ExtenZe infomercial featured Ron Jeremy, a mustached adult film star best known for the length and girth of his member. On his ExtenZe “talk show” Ron spoke with several of his professional colleagues, whose sole claim to fame is the ability to fornicate on film.

A recent version of the Extenze infomercial includes interviews about “size” with Playboy Playmates on location at the Playboy Mansion.

In 2008, Extamax took things in an even more sordid direction. Here, several nightclub tramps mock the men they’ve been with who weren’t well-endowed and promise to spread their legs only for men who are hung like Seabiscuit.

If you listen to AM radio at all, you’ve probably heard the commercials for Ageless Male from New Vitality. Now Ageless Male has a TV infomercial. Here we find a very different approach to selling a male enhancement product:

You see, Ageless Male is sold as a general testosterone energy supplement formula with ingredients that enable a man to do things like work at his desk, play golf, climb a flight of stairs…and maybe, possibly, just perhaps, be better in the bedroom.

Contrast the subtlety of using visuals in which half a man’s body is translucent to the comment in the Extamax infomercial that “You can’t be man if you only have a one-incher.”

Sure, 80% of the men who buy Ageless Male are getting it so that they can be a tiger in the sack, but because it is sold so tastefully they don’t have to feel like greasy perverts on the make. A bottle of Ageless Male can be freely displayed along with the multivitamins and Omega-3 supplements, instead of hidden in a bottom dresser drawer behind the copies of Swank and Gent.

I have sported a goatee for many years. Occasionally, my attempts to shave around my facial hair have been less than perfect, but it never inspired me to invent something as awesome as the GoateeSaver:

Who among us isn’t convinced that shaving will be a lot easier when you have to do it while wearing a Darth Vader mask held in your mouth with a horse bridle?

Strapping on a bulky contraption like the Goatee Saver might seem like an awkward way to get a shave, but looking like a cyborg while grooming yourself is a sure way to attract Bumpits-wearing hotties like Heather.

All of us gentlemen who choose to wear to this style of facial hair owe our enduring gratitude to inventor Scott Bonge for sparing us forever from the horror of an uneven goatee…not to mention all the fun we’ll have when we say, “Luke, I am your father!” to our bathroom mirrors.