GoJo Hands Free: An Even Better Way to Look Like a Douchebag

For a while, no self-respecting douchebag would be seen in public without one of those bluetooth phone accessories sticking out of his ear canal:

But that device is not nearly douchey enough for some, who insist on sporting a microphone headset. Indeed, this is one of the many touches that gives Vince Offer of ShamWow and Schticky fame his overwhelming aura of douchebaggery:

But the more ambitious douchebags want to go further. For them, there is the GoJo Hands Free, a device that lets a person walk around with an entire phone strapped to his cheek:

Any douchebag who wants to out-douche all the other douchebags can even use the GoJo Hands Free to keep 5 pound laptop computer stuck to his face:

And hipster douchebags can take things to the next level by using the GoJo Hands Free with a Boom-a-Ring or iMobiPhone:

The music that plays in the middle of the GoJo commercial (1:12) is exactly the same as the one that plays at the end of the appalling and sleazy Sexy Bandz infomercial:

If only there were a list of the customers who bought both GoJo Hands Free and Sexy Bandz, then we would all know which human beings to avoid at all costs.


  • 29 Responses to “GoJo Hands Free: An Even Better Way to Look Like a Douchebag”

  • actually the gojo is a great idea. who says you have to walk around wearing it, wouldnt you like to go hands free for long talks at home? this is why you write for a hate blog and are not successful. GOJO! 🙂

    Comment by Janice V on February 6, 2012 at 11:36 pm

  • I wish i woulda thot of that. i luv how DOUCHE BAGS who write for blogs don’t have the balls to put their NAME on the articl ahahaha real journalism. hahahaha

    Comment by ZACATACK on February 6, 2012 at 11:40 pm

  • Yep. I sure do hate that anonymous journalism!

    Comment by Paul Lucas on February 7, 2012 at 12:10 am

  • You know joe grey offers 10 grand to any one who with a hands free better than the gojoe. Why not put money where your big mouth is?
    obviously you are broke and could use the cash lol

    Comment by ZACATACK on February 7, 2012 at 12:39 am

  • Comment by ZACATACK on February 7, 2012 at 12:39 am

  • your review doesn’t seem to mention that this product actually works. it isn’t really a fashion product it is to talk hands free.

    Comment by kittykayla on February 7, 2012 at 12:46 am

  • Hey Zacatack: Thanks for proving that people who use the GoJo really are total douchebags!

    Comment by euGene on February 7, 2012 at 1:33 am

  • WOOAAAAA witty witty Paul. this is why you write for a make believe blog. haha

    Comment by ZACATACK on February 7, 2012 at 2:10 am

  • I love the hate comments almost as much as I love the terrible informercials.

    Paul, your website rocks!

    Comment by Autumn on February 7, 2012 at 12:44 pm

  • There is no way I would consider buying a device that would strap a cellphone to my head! The idea that cellphones may expose your brain to readiation is still being researched, but until there is a definite answer I am inclined to say that GoJo is a terrible idea!

    Comment by B Dub on February 7, 2012 at 3:53 pm

  • another totally worthless website.

    Comment by notadouchebag on February 7, 2012 at 5:00 pm

  • Wow, I think you’re being attacked by an army of sock puppets!

    Comment by Anne Packrat on February 8, 2012 at 2:00 pm

  • @Anne:

    You are correct. The comments from “Janice V,” “kittykayla,” and “ZACATACK” were all posted from the same IP address.

    And don’t miss the keen insights and thoughtful observations that “ZACATACK” left on other blog posts.

    @Autumn: Glad you like the blog…and even the comments!

    Comment by Paul Lucas on February 8, 2012 at 3:09 pm

  • Joe Gray is so INSECURE and such an ASSHOLE that he has to go to every blog and post comments under FAKE names, resorting to personal insults like a LITTLE BABY!

    Paul, Keep up the great work on your blog. Your articles are a lot of fun.

    Comment by DubDub on February 8, 2012 at 4:47 pm

  • GOJO – just the thing for irradiating the entire side of your head with bucketsful of microwave radiation!! Not content with the teensy bit of EMF radiation coming out of a Bluetooth device, lucky GOJO users can now pour the full power of Microwave EMF being emitted from their cellphone’s antenna through their apparently-already-damaged brain cells, and hasten the onset of hemispheric neural carcinoma (brain cancer, folks) and other miserable, lingering, life-ending diseases.

    And yes, Ridiculous Infomercial Review, 99% of us ARE getting the jokes, and appreciate your continuing work at wringing the irony out of these media monstrosities! Many thanks.

    Comment by Kayne Allen on February 9, 2012 at 11:52 am

  • @Paul – Zac does not seem very fond of you! Though he does have quite the bro-crush for Vince Offer.

    Comment by Anne Packrat on February 9, 2012 at 2:29 pm

  • “Low-tech douchery” was the first thing that came to mind when I saw this ad.

    It’s sad to see people who are so enslaved to their phones.

    Comment by Julie on February 19, 2012 at 3:52 pm

  • Not sure why Zacatack thinks this blog trafficks in “journalism,” what ever that is, or supposed to be. It’s a guy commenting wittily on absurd commercials.
    Yay, the first ammendment. Yay, the internet.

    Paul, don’t let the idiot sock puppets limit you! If some people can’t take criticism of their questionable products, then they shouldn’t enter the marketplace. PERIOD.

    Comment by Hugo Bronson on February 28, 2012 at 2:51 pm

  • I don’t understand why so many have to put such negative comments. If you don’t have anything positive to say, don’t leave a comment.

    Comment by Joshua on March 11, 2012 at 9:55 am

  • Ha. Hilarious. Made my day.

    Comment by Jamie on March 11, 2012 at 10:17 am

  • I love Paul Lucas and his hilarious infomercial reviews!

    Comment by Jason Smith on March 13, 2012 at 8:42 pm

  • I, too, enjoy Paul Lucas’ blog wholeheartedly!

    Comment by Smith Jasonson on March 13, 2012 at 8:43 pm

  • I agree with the other two posters directly above me! It’s amazing how many people agree, Paul Lucas is a hilarious blogger.

    Comment by Sonjay Smithson on March 13, 2012 at 8:43 pm

  • I saw this commercial yesterday and almost fell out of my chair. That’s Average Joe! He used to be a singer in his own one man band. I knew him when he stood around bars staring at college girls. Wow, time hasn’t been kind to him! He used to be cute in a creepy way. I guess that singing gig didn’t work out.

    Comment by Lola on March 23, 2012 at 7:00 am

  • @dubdub the funny thing is Joe Gray is not his real name anyways, even that is fake. First name is real, last name is not.

    Comment by Pimple on April 22, 2012 at 9:59 am

  • and you know some douchbags will attach the suction cup to there balls to get off,that’s how this guy got his idea

    Comment by steve c on April 23, 2012 at 9:44 am

  • Please, this guy, journalist, knows what hes talking about. you are the douche bags.

    I look forward to more of this.

    Comment by HAM on July 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm

  • Great article, screw the haters.
    That bullcrap handset is douchebaggery at it’s finest.

    Comment by mike ski on October 14, 2012 at 2:30 pm

  • Just saw the GoJo at the Dollar Tree. The official one not a knockoff.

    Comment by pikapal on January 18, 2013 at 11:46 pm