Boom-a-Ring Lets You Hook Up a Bulky Old Handset to Your Sleek Modern Cell Phone

For some reason Santa failed to stuff a Boom-a-Ring into my stocking this Christmas. As you watch this infomercial, please try to identify the purpose of the Boom-a-Ring and who would possibly want one:

The potential uses for the Boom-a-Ring are these:

1) You need a gag gift to give to a gadget guru. (Say that 5 times fast!)

2) You’re a hipster who just can’t get enough of that “retro” look.

3) Grandpa refuses to use the $300 cell phone you got him because “It doesn’t look like a real phone” and “That thing is too darn small to hold.” With the Boom-a-Ring Gramps can access mobile communications with the kind of 50-year-old form factor he is used to.

4) You want to feel like a platoon sergeant during World War II calling in an air strike on an entrenched enemy position—instead of a dork in the supermarket talking with a telemarketer on a Tracfone.

If you can tolerate listening to the commercial’s mind-numbing take on “Jingle Bells,” you will hear the lyrics:

Boom-a-Ring, Boom-a-Ring,
Boomer all the way!
Oh what fun it is to talk on a Boom a Ring phone today

Can anyone please tell me what the words “Boomer all the way” are supposed to mean in this context?

The end of this commercial may finally provide an answer to who would actually give this thing as a present. A drunk and disjointed Santa Claus cheap enough to go around in such a ratty suit and fake beard probably would end up sticking you with a Boom-a-Ring for Christmas.

C’mon Saint Nick, a simple lump of coal will do.