Sexy Bandz: The Perfect Product for the Slutty Kindergartener

Unless you have children you may not know about the massively popular item known as “Silly Bandz.” Silly Bandz are cheap plastic bracelets that come in a variety of colors and various shapes such as animals, hearts, and stars.

Much like the Beanie Babies fad of 15 years ago, grade school kids seek to collect as many bands as they can and trade them with their friends. Interest in Silly Bandz generally wanes as children enter the 4th grade.

So kids must be a lot more precocious these days, because now they can enjoy Sexy Bandz in shapes such as “Penis,” “Boobs,” “Butt,” and something they call “Lonely Nights” which is a man with an enormous erection:

Okay, that video did absolutely nothing to take the creepiness out of this product. How would you like to have adults loitering around your child’s school with a pocketful of Sexy Bandz? Expect this product to be featured prominently on a future episode of To Catch a Predator.

Sexy Bandz make the perfect gift for that “barely legal” stripper at your local gentlemen’s club, or as a party favor for any one of the drunken sorority houses on your campus.

And Sexy Bands even glow in the dark!!