Sticky Nips: Are You Cold or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
Someone somewhere believes that women desire to have perpetually hard nipples that are visible through their clothing. This person created Sticky Nips to satisfy this demand:
The Sticky Nips infomercial opens with the amazing statement, “As a wife, mother, and former beauty pageant winner, I love to look my best.” It is not self-evident why wives and mothers have any greater need for artificial nipples than other women do. In any case, I’m sure her son won’t get any grief from his classmates for having a mother whose headlights are constantly set to bright.
The commercial tells of how Sticky Nips will make women more attractive, but doesn’t tell the whole story about how this product will entirely change the lives of the women who wear it.
On the plus side, when a woman wearing StickyNips has her hands full and someone asks her directions, she no longer has to put down her bags and extend her index finger. Now she can just turn her torso and the other person will clearly see to which direction she is pointing.
But if you are a woman thinking about buying Sticky Nips, please be warned that the downsides may outweigh even this benefit:
* At airports, you will be stopped for a pat down by TSA agents who suspect you are attempting to smuggle two bullets onto the plane.
* People will constantly be turning up the heat in the room, under the assumption that you are chilly.
* You will have to be careful to avoid poking out the eyes of children and dwarves.
* If you stand outside someone’s front door, people with poor eyesight may mistake you for the doorbell.
* If your Sticky Nips do succeed in enchanting a gentleman of your liking, when it is time to disrobe he will be quite disappointed when your silicone tip comes off in his mouth. He will be doubly disappointed if you are also wearing Booty Pop.
A tip of the nip to reader Al Frank for letting us know about the Sticky Nips infomercial.
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16 Responses to “Sticky Nips: Are You Cold or Are You Just Happy to See Me?”
Comment by Chris Pawelski on August 16, 2011 at 7:29 am
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