Sticky Nips: Are You Cold or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
August 15th, 2011 by Paul Lucas
Someone somewhere believes that women desire to have perpetually hard nipples that are visible through their clothing. This person created Sticky Nips to satisfy this demand:
The Sticky Nips infomercial opens with the amazing statement, “As a wife, mother, and former beauty pageant winner, I love to look my best.” It is not self-evident why wives and mothers have any greater need for artificial nipples than other women do. In any case, I’m sure her son won’t get any grief from his classmates for having a mother whose headlights are constantly set to bright.
The commercial tells of how Sticky Nips will make women more attractive, but doesn’t tell the whole story about how this product will entirely change the lives of the women who wear it.
On the plus side, when a woman wearing StickyNips has her hands full and someone asks her directions, she no longer has to put down her bags and extend her index finger. Now she can just turn her torso and the other person will clearly see to which direction she is pointing.
But if you are a woman thinking about buying Sticky Nips, please be warned that the downsides may outweigh even this benefit:
* At airports, you will be stopped for a pat down by TSA agents who suspect you are attempting to smuggle two bullets onto the plane.
* People will constantly be turning up the heat in the room, under the assumption that you are chilly.
* You will have to be careful to avoid poking out the eyes of children and dwarves.
* If you stand outside someone’s front door, people with poor eyesight may mistake you for the doorbell.
* If your Sticky Nips do succeed in enchanting a gentleman of your liking, when it is time to disrobe he will be quite disappointed when your silicone tip comes off in his mouth. He will be doubly disappointed if you are also wearing Booty Pop.
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A tip of the nip to reader Al Frank for letting us know about the Sticky Nips infomercial.
I am speechless. I remember as a kid girls in high school or college trying to hide it when their nipples became aroused. What’s next, “The boner package” for guys to pretend they are always packing a decent package at any given moment?
Comment by Chris Pawelski — August 16th, 2011 at 7:29 am
Am I actually seeing FOUR nipples on some of these women?
Comment by Hellbound Alleee — August 16th, 2011 at 11:49 am
Facepalm.
To quote Professor Farnsworth, “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.”
Comment by Anne Packrat — August 16th, 2011 at 3:50 pm
Some of the ladies in this commercial need to know that this product doesn’t make them look sexy. It just makes them look like a frumpy, fat slut.
On another note, this product makes the perfect gift for the special lady in your life who works as a stripper, streetwalker or porn industry sperm dumpster.
Comment by Kittyluver12 — August 17th, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Sticky Nips–one more reason for the terrorists to hate us.
Comment by Janie — August 17th, 2011 at 5:48 pm
Didn’t they use those in “Batman Forever”?
Comment by Joseph — August 18th, 2011 at 9:58 pm
I can sorta understand the Booty Pop, but this is just stupid. This is obviously a product for women with low self-esteem who want men leering at their erect nips for some reason.
Little did I know that nothing say “I’m pretty and desirable” like an erect set of nips.
Comment by Andrea — August 19th, 2011 at 12:22 am
“comes off his in mouth” should read as “comes off in his mouth.”. Having said that, I am glad to be alive, as all those bizarre horny teenage ideas inside my rotten brain seem to have (telepathically) found other people who not only think similarly as I did, but also believe in the market value of those ideas.
Comment by znkp — August 21st, 2011 at 3:18 am
@znkp: Thanks for the catch. I made the fix.
Comment by Paul Lucas — August 22nd, 2011 at 11:03 am
@Joseph, it was Batman & Robin that had the Bat-nips. Is this a piece of Wayne Tech Lucius Fox designed after Dark Knight?
Comment by Don — August 22nd, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Why do they need to come in different colors? Like it’s attractive when you take a girl’s shirt off and she’s wearing fake nipples.
Comment by Neville S. Hayes — August 24th, 2011 at 1:47 am
I’m sure they’ll be popular with the cross-dressing community.
@Neville: so they’ll be less noticeable in that see-through top, of course.
Comment by Anne Ominous — September 2nd, 2011 at 3:19 pm