Bottle Cuddler Gives Kids a False Impression of Animal Anatomy

The Bottle Cuddler is another contestant in the pageant of Pillow Pets rip-off products combining a stuffed animal with something else. In this case, Bottle Cuddler combines a stuffed animal with a baby bottle (or sippy cup):

Much like the Cypher Kids Club 3D Cards, Bottle Cuddler teaches kids false lessons about animal anatomy. Neither bears nor pigs nor monkeys nor cows provide nourishment through a single nipple sticking out of the tops of their heads.

Instead this product should come with its own specialized bottle containing multiple nipples that would poke through the animal’s belly. This would not only teach kids the truth about animal physiology but it would make the product ideal for use in nurseries and in households with octuplets.

Many of the infomercials for Pillow Pets rip-offs feature a chorus of kids singing a really obnoxious jingle. But this ad has just one out-of-breath toddler hurriedly belting out, “Bottle Cuddler: A Baby’s Best Friend” at the end.

When the baby in the commercial flings back its bottle, we are supposed to believe the infant is angry because its bottle is not wrapped in a plush Bottle Cuddler.

But, really, if she were your mom…

…wouldn’t you be upset at being fed from a bottle too?


  • 2 Responses to “Bottle Cuddler Gives Kids a False Impression of Animal Anatomy”

  • I’m gonna suck its bwaaains.

    Comment by Zoe on July 9, 2012 at 6:26 pm

  • “…wouldn’t you be upset at being fed from a bottle too?”

    Oh, I get it, because she has breasts. HI-larious.

    Comment by Canaduck on August 16, 2012 at 10:47 pm