DogPedic Bed and Tell Bell Turn Your Dog into the Master of Your Household

If you have ever been around dogs, you know their behavior routinely includes such activities as sniffing the butts of fellow canines, munching on their own poop, drinking out of the toilet, and humping the legs of human passersby.

Yet the makers of the DogPedic bed believe these genteel pooches possess such a refined sensibility as to require a memory foam mattress in order to get a good night’s sleep:

Twenty years ago you could make your dog happy by just tossing some ratty blanket on your garage floor. But today’s canine demands much more pampering. You may not have a memory foam “sleep system” of your own, but Fido refuses to get to sleep unless you buy him one now!

The DogPedic bed does not come in a four poster model with silk curtains—but they’ll probably offer that as an upgrade in the near future.

But to be the genuine master of the house, one needs not only the finest bed but also the ability to keep the other residents at his beck and call. In other words, your dog needs the Tell Bell:

True, the Tell Bell is a much better idea than just letting your dog piss inside your house, as the Potty Patch recommends. Still, there really is something unsettling about a bell that allows your dog to issue orders, as if the dog has become the true Lord or Lady of the house—and you’re really just its bitch.

Right now the Tell Bell has only a single ring with a single command. (“Let me out now!”) But perhaps an advanced version of the product will include several sounds, allowing your dog to issue you a whole range of commands (“feed me,” “walk me,” “fetch,” “sit,” “play dead.”).

Until then you can pay your pet proper respect by attiring yourself in the appropriate maid outfit or butler uniform.


  • 23 Responses to “DogPedic Bed and Tell Bell Turn Your Dog into the Master of Your Household”

  • You’re really brave to write this, Paul. I’m sure many clueless comments from insane dog owners will be coming soon.

    Comment by euGene on December 2, 2009 at 1:48 pm

  • Yes, but at least pet lovers aren’t quite as nasty, humorless and defensive as strippers and wannabe strippers:

    Comment by Paul Lucas on December 2, 2009 at 2:06 pm

  • …because a pet dog slowly climbing onto a dog bed is exactly the same as dropping a melon onto it from a great height.

    Comment by Sam on December 6, 2009 at 7:46 pm

  • You have obviously never had a pet that has arthritis, hip displaysia, or like our adopted stray pit been severely abused to where her front leg had been broken and a rear leg had the ball of the femur broken off. These dogs are in extreme pain – give them a chance to live a somewhat comfortable life!

    Comment by Leslie on December 16, 2009 at 12:29 am

  • Give them a chance to lead a comfortable life ?
    LOL. Dog owners in the US already spend more on their pets than half the parents on earth spend on their children.
    BTW the thing to do with dogs that are crippled or in extreme pain is euthanize them…not spend hundreds (who am I kidding…thousands) of dollars perpetuating their suffering so that your life may have meaning.

    Comment by DC on December 30, 2009 at 7:41 am

  • Pampering dogs is one thing; pampering CATS is another! I’m a cat lover, but they are some of the most snooty and demanding mammals on Earth (some humans are worse.)

    For injured or older dogs, this might make sense. But regular dogs wouldn’t give two chits where they sleep, so long as it’s warm and near their owners.

    Comment by Irving Berlyn on January 1, 2010 at 12:58 am

  • Just as the human body benefits greatly from sleeping on something with support rather than on the floor, so too does a dog’s body, especially if they are older. Sleeping on a bed slows the inevitable bone and muscular issues most dogs develop as they age.

    Comment by dogguy22 on January 10, 2010 at 6:12 pm

  • I hope none of you guys have any dogs or pets of any kind because you would probably treat em like shit. From what I’m reading you guys do not know why we call dogs, a man’s best friend. Bunch of idiot, non-thinking fucks. I would love to euthanize your dumb ass if you were in pain, just give me the needle.

    Comment by Bwiize on January 14, 2010 at 12:37 am

  • My dog has hip dysplasia and we manage her pain through medication and exercise. She is a relatively young and very intelligent German Shepherd. We have slate floors that are cold and hard. She either sleeps on a giant bean bag (for humans) or I put a pile of pillows on the floor for her. I am ordering the DogPedic bed, because sometimes she is very stiff and has a hard time getting up out of her bean bag. I don’t think that’s “insane.” I agree with Bwize, I hope you people that made those horrible comments do not have animals.

    Comment by HumanCompanion on January 16, 2010 at 10:54 am

  • Also – the naysayers are making this sound like this is a fancy bed in a 5-star hotel or something – with a frame, boxspring, sheets, pillows and headboard. This is simply a small mattress which goes on the floor – not that different from other pet beds/pillows aside from the memory foam material.

    I agree with Bwiize, but am unsurprised at people’s negative reactions. Most people are uncivilized, unintelligent and possess empathy for neither man nor beast. Civilization has only advanced as far as it has due to a small percentage of us, whose existence has saved the rest from savagery and anarchy.

    Comment by dogguy22 on January 24, 2010 at 8:37 pm

  • If you could make your dog more comfortable why wouldnt you? A person could also live sleeping on the floor but would you want to is the question? If you never get to love an animal its your loss.

    Comment by lilpces on January 25, 2010 at 11:23 am

  • This is for the tell bell. If you could actually train your dog to use it, it would be way better than barking and scratching up your door!

    Comment by Ashley on February 8, 2010 at 2:51 pm

  • How did you know that tossing some ratty blanket on the garage floor made a dog happy? Did the dog tell you they were comfortable? Dogs give so much and expect so little in return. When my husband is deployed fighting for your freedom, my dogs keep me company. My 6 year old dog had to have knee surgery for an injury. I would buy a piece of foam with a cover on it for him if it gave him some relief from the hard floor. We don’t have children so yes I spend my money on my dogs! I have that right. And DC, if you had a torn ACL, should we spend thousands of our taxpaying dollars on you or just euthanize you? I wish some people would just stop being so critical. Does this commercial or dog bed really have that much of an effect on you? Not all dog owners are insane.

    Comment by Allison on February 17, 2010 at 5:47 pm

  • I also have a rescued dog with hip dysplasia and two knees with already tearing cruciate ligaments and acl’s that are def going to go…he is a big 80 pound dog that does get some relief through meds but the floor is too cold for him and rather than sleep on our memory foam bed I have ordered three of these beds. yes we have three dogs. Two are rescues. i am in health care and hope the writer of the original post never gets treated the way he feels it is ok to treat an animal. The animals we all choose to have as pets did not ask for the position, if we have invited them to be part of our families why would we not treat them as well as we could?

    Comment by Cheryl on February 25, 2010 at 3:18 pm

  • I have 5 of my own dogs and several foster dogs. My dogs sleep all over the bedroom, on the bed, on one of the dog beds, on the floor, in the bathroom if they get too warm-so I obviously love my babies. And I thought this was funny. I don’t think anyone was laughing about dogs that need the bed, just the fact that the ad was over the top.

    Comment by Amber on June 1, 2010 at 2:38 am

  • Why did Montel give the lady on the infomercial an extra large bed for the Saint Bernard, but they don’t actually sell an extra large? What are we supposed to get for dogs over the large weight limit?

    Comment by Tina Budovec on June 4, 2010 at 2:44 am

  • first of i cant believe that this person who wrote this (which i dont care to see who it is) can be so ignorant! humans like you are the ones that should be euthanized! who are you to tell anyone what they should spend there money on!what do you do for anyone? i doubt anything because you sound like a selfish none caring ignorant piece of dirt! and yea “twenty years ago” humans were also less smart and there wasnt as much technology, so if you want to be stuck back there thats fine but just dont post it online bc we dont CARE we are obviously ahead of your time buddy!i have one and its the best my dog loves it!he deff. prefers the bed over the floor since i got it he hasnt slept on the floor so that should tell you something FIDO!! so SIT STAY and SHUT UP FIDO bc you have just been euthanized!

    Comment by maria on June 21, 2010 at 12:54 am

  • by the way my comment sure isnt clueless and iam deff. not insane!! how could you say something is gonna happen before it does?! what do you think you are a psychic or something?! yea i love dogs and iam deff. gonna speak out for them because they cant do it themselves! thats why you pick on them bc they are deffensless animals and you are too scared to pick on someone who isnt!

    Comment by maria on June 21, 2010 at 1:02 am

  • Well, “To each it’s own”
    Why bother to complain about how individuals spend their money on either dogs, kids or other things.

    This is still a FREE COUNTRY!

    Maybe Paul Lucas would like to live in Cuba, so he can tell people their what to do.

    Comment by YorkieLove2010 on June 28, 2010 at 11:59 am

  • Yes, my writing a humorous blog post about a dog bed infomercial is just like what Fidel Castro does to the citizens of Cuba.

    The intellectual fire power on display by the commenters to this post never ceases to amaze me.

    Comment by Paul Lucas on June 29, 2010 at 9:27 am

  • The DogPedic is a very smart idea for dogs (and cats) that are old and/or have a physical condition…or if you want to stop the latter scenario before it starts.

    So massive props for that.

    Comment by Daniel B. on June 27, 2012 at 7:33 pm

  • euGene warned ya Paul lol
    Good article!

    Comment by mike ski on October 14, 2012 at 7:12 pm

  • This is a completely irrelevant question, but I thought I would ask anyway. Is that lady listed as Cheryl t, the proud possessor of the legendary Baltimore accent, or do I have my regions wrong. Btw I’m a big John Waters fan so this is why I ask

    Comment by Nick on August 26, 2015 at 1:53 am