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BAC Home & Lit-R Lev-R: Perfect Gifts for the Alcoholic Klutz in Your Life

You really want to help your Uncle Fred cope with his lifelong alcohol problem, but interventions can be so awkward, especially during the holidays. So why not place a BAC Home in his stocking instead:

The line “Similar breathalyzers cost up to $90 or more,” is an important reminder that BAC Home should be used not only before driving but also before attempting to write an infomercial script.

The only catch to this neat little product is that when Uncle Fred gets really smashed he will probably confuse BAC Home with his blood glucose monitor, and mistakenly come to the conclusion that he is okay to drive—or that needs to consume a whole box of Snickers stat!

Having BAC Home in his pocket makes it less likely your Uncle Fred will die suddenly in a tragic auto accident and more likely that he will die after a long and painful ordeal battling cirrhosis of the liver.

Speaking of the severely intoxicated, they are probably some of the very few people who could actually benefit from the Lit-R Lev-R:

Anyone who is traumatized by flashbacks of the horror of opening and pouring a 2-liter soda bottle needs psychiatric counseling ever more urgently than they need physical therapy.

And no Emmy for the kid who was supposed to be upset at spilling soda but just ends up looking really pleased with himself:

BAC Home and Lit-R Lev-R make the perfect gift combo for anyone on your Christmas list who plans on spending the new year consuming Rums-and-Cokes and Sevens-and-Sevens from morning ’til night.

Comments

  • 2 Responses to “BAC Home & Lit-R Lev-R: Perfect Gifts for the Alcoholic Klutz in Your Life”

  • I’ve always found pouring soda out of liter bottles to be a harrowing experience. I mean, where do I put my hands? There are no handles so I’m at a loss as is what I’m suppose to hold! How do I stop the liquid from pouring out when my glass is full?

    Comment by Kyla on January 6, 2014 at 2:12 am

  • Whenever I get drunk, I dont reach for a breathalyzer. After a fifth of goldschlager, I usually just wind up puking in someone else’s bed.

    Comment by Ronnie on April 28, 2016 at 10:21 pm

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