Style Screamer: Look Stylish While Striking Terror into Violent Attackers

Getting raped or mugged can be an unpleasant experience. But now you can look chic and fashionable while warding off brutal assaults from violent psychopaths and hardened criminals with the Style Screamer:

Indeed, unlike a car’s panic button, no one will be able to ignore Style Screamer’s spectral shriek from the throat of a tormented wraith engulfed by the darkest smoke of hell.

Even though the commercial sells this product as a way to prevent crime, this woman isn’t really threatened:

She’s just using Style Screamer as a quick way to get rid of a couple of jerks who are annoying her. But that only begins to scratch the surface of the many uses of the Style Screamer:

* Women can use it to fake orgasms while giving their husbands the uncontrollable cries of ecstasy they so admire in adult videos.

* Actresses working at haunted houses during the Halloween season can prevent injury to their vocal cords by using Style Screamer to generate bloodcurdling peals of horror.

* Referees can save their breath by pulling on a Style Screamer instead of blowing on a whistle.

* Style Screamer makes a more sanitary noisemaker than the party horns typically found at New Years Eve celebrations.

Won’t our land be a more pleasant place to live once the piercing cries of the Style Screamer become as ubiquitous as the noise of car alarms?

This is the most fun an infomercial has had with criminal terror since the legendary Myotron Pulse Wave!


  • 8 Responses to “Style Screamer: Look Stylish While Striking Terror into Violent Attackers”

  • Is it just me, or does this Style Screamer only seem to have attackers clutching their ears in agony, while the lady who owns it doesn’t even blink? Which is it? 130 db cannot be selective to attackers only, right? Seriously?

    Comment by Paul on September 25, 2013 at 5:14 pm

  • Love the woman in the first scene who gets her purse snatched. She’s like, “Oh, no, not again.”

    Comment by bookendz on September 25, 2013 at 7:12 pm

  • What happens tassle gets caught in something somewhere and you loose it? Would the scream go on forever, and how long would it take for you to go insane or have everyone around you want to kill you?

    Comment by Jay on September 26, 2013 at 7:36 pm

  • In defense of the product, a rapist probably loses his predatory thrill when they get a headache that feels like someone’s putting a drill bit through his forehead. Of course, it would seem to diminish its effectiveness if it’s doing the same thing to the would-be victim.

    Comment by Thomas on September 26, 2013 at 9:48 pm

  • I can’t be certain, but to me it looked like the attacker at 1:45 started clutching his ears and retreating a fraction of a second before the screaming started.

    This device sounds like the neighborhood kids shrieking while playing outside or one of those animatronic Halloween decorations. I doubt anyone in earshot would give it a second thought.

    Better off with the Myotron. Besides, the Myotron commercial is one hundred times more amusing.

    Comment by Deb on September 30, 2013 at 2:15 pm

  • I meant the attacker at :45. The guy who is trying to get to the woman in the car. She pulls the tassel, and he starts retreating, but there is a delay between the tassel pull and the screams.

    Comment by Deb on September 30, 2013 at 2:19 pm

  • Where can I purchase style screamers?

    Comment by Matty Levine on December 17, 2014 at 7:45 am

  • Hey, I own a Style Screamer! And by Style Screamer, I mean a .22. If someone tries to fuck with me in a parking garage, I’ll shoot ’em dead, throw his corpse in the trunk, and make meatballs and sausage out of him

    Comment by Ronnie on April 28, 2016 at 10:04 pm