Sexy Bandz: The Perfect Product for the Slutty Kindergartener

Unless you have children you may not know about the massively popular item known as “Silly Bandz.” Silly Bandz are cheap plastic bracelets that come in a variety of colors and various shapes such as animals, hearts, and stars.

Much like the Beanie Babies fad of 15 years ago, grade school kids seek to collect as many bands as they can and trade them with their friends. Interest in Silly Bandz generally wanes as children enter the 4th grade.

So kids must be a lot more precocious these days, because now they can enjoy Sexy Bandz in shapes such as “Penis,” “Boobs,” “Butt,” and something they call “Lonely Nights” which is a man with an enormous erection:

Okay, that video did absolutely nothing to take the creepiness out of this product. How would you like to have adults loitering around your child’s school with a pocketful of Sexy Bandz? Expect this product to be featured prominently on a future episode of To Catch a Predator.

Sexy Bandz make the perfect gift for that “barely legal” stripper at your local gentlemen’s club, or as a party favor for any one of the drunken sorority houses on your campus.

And Sexy Bands even glow in the dark!!


  • 5 Responses to “Sexy Bandz: The Perfect Product for the Slutty Kindergartener”

  • Paul,
    You’re putting us on with this right? ” Lonely Nights ” is my personal favorite.

    Comment by Richard Simmons on December 28, 2010 at 6:20 pm

  • Sadly, I think I actually saw this on late night TV. This has got to be the shittiest infomercial I have ever seen.

    Comment by Anne Packrat on December 29, 2010 at 12:52 am

  • What’s up with the voiceover audio on this thing? It sounds like they have 12 microphones down their throats!

    This commercial will inspire plenty of pervs to hang out at schools trying to pick up MILFs with Sexy Bands.

    Comment by euGene on December 31, 2010 at 4:07 pm

  • This looks like it was created with one of those internet based animation applications like xtranormal. (Not comment spam, not plugging that thing, just reminded me of it with the robotic speech patterns.)

    Comment by Scott Mercer on January 2, 2011 at 7:00 pm

  • UMMMMMMM. WHat? I hate how you can hear little spit noises when one of the women talks. 14 year old kids will probably love these cuz when they’re on your wrist you can’t tell what they are and they’ll feel all titillated wearing them at school.

    Comment by liz a on January 12, 2011 at 11:32 pm