This Motivational CD May Be the Most Depressing Product Ever

The “Cheers to You” audio CD tries to lift you out of your gloom by reciting encouraging statements accompanied by sounds of applause and cheering crowds. I don’t know about you, but the thought that any person would take such a product seriously sure depresses me.

The “Cheers to You” audio CD proudly joins the Hawaii Chair and Shuffles Shoe Mop in the I-Can’t-Believe-This-Is-A-Real-Product category. Go to the website and you will find out this TV commercial is not a parody; the CD is really for sale and at only $24.95 it is a lot cheaper than a Prozac prescription.

The CD tells the listener “We’re on your side. We’re here for you. Weeee belieeeeve in yoooou!” The “we” in this case is the voice of an anonymous man in a recording studio who has never met you and never will. Who, exactly, would be fooled by this thing into feeling better about himself or herself?

And the patronizing tone of the speaker—who sounds like an adult on Sesame Street speaking to a 14-month-old just learning to talk—can’t be helping matters.

Maybe the next version of “Cheer to You” will contain the affirmations, “I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!”

This commercial tells us that this product was featured on the Ellen Degeneres Show—which puts it in the same league as the Tiddy Bear.

Even more puzzling than the CD is the bonus of “three puzzle-shaped affirmative tokens.” Who needs accomplishments, talents, or virtues when you have the words “I am unstoppable” written on a faux puzzle piece in your pocket?

Two of these tokens contain the statements “I am courageous” and “I am unstoppable.” Hey, Jesus has his “I am” statements, but why should that guy get to have all the fun! Maybe next they’ll make one with the affirmation, “I can burn with fire and not be consumed.”

The other jigsaw puzzle piece-shaped thing tells the bearer, “Without me the puzzle is incomplete.” Too bad the puzzle is just a picture of dogs playing poker.


  • 10 Responses to “This Motivational CD May Be the Most Depressing Product Ever”

  • The motivator’s voice sounds reminiscent of Richard Simmons, albeit less sincere.

    What this CD needs is a David Letterman-esque devil’s advocate to bug the Richard Simmons-esque motivator.

    Comment by Visaman on December 23, 2008 at 12:48 am

  • 25.00 for a CD that makes you feel better? Bah! You can buy “Queens Greatest Hits” for 10 bucks and feel good without having to listen to anonymous cheers.

    Comment by Al Frank on December 23, 2008 at 10:17 pm

  • Oh man,, you should check out their website and listen to those samples, they even have some kind of ‘because of you, for the one you love’ sample that’s just hilarious.

    Comment by TimNRA757 on December 24, 2008 at 10:26 am

  • I would suggest downloading “Queens Greatest Hits” illegally from the internet, and investing that $25 towards wine consumption.

    Comment by Znkp on December 27, 2008 at 8:25 pm

  • This one belongs to the same category as Klee Irwin’s motivational exercise video.

    Comment by Znkp on January 15, 2009 at 12:36 pm

  • I like how the puzzle pieces don’t fit together. It’s basically saying (contrary to the “you-actually-DO-have-it-all-together” message of the CD) that “Well, on second thought…here’s three arbitrary pieces to a large puzzle that don’t fit together. It’s up to you to find the rest and make sense of the void that is your life.”

    I, too, was struck with gloom and quasi-despair when considering the purported seriousness of this product in the market. But I was slightly reassured when I found that it was listed under the “Laughter Tracks” category of this website:

    At least there is someone who sells it that sees it as something other than genuine therapeutic material for feelings of crippling inadequacy. However it doesn’t make up for the dismal fact that there is still someone who sells it.

    At least it’s taken a price cut…

    Comment by Nils Barton on February 28, 2009 at 12:52 am

  • For some reason, I highly doubt that this was featured on Ellen’s talk show.

    Comment by Bathroom On The Right on March 17, 2009 at 8:27 pm

  • I don’t know what you guys are talking about this CD is great! I get pumped every time i do my 20min power walks.

    Comment by Jeff B. on September 2, 2009 at 12:57 am

  • “You are an incredibly sensitive man, who inspires joy-joy feelings in all those around you.”

    Comment by Mark on December 5, 2009 at 9:33 pm

  • This is actually the most depressing infomercial I’ve seen in my life.

    Comment by Andrew P on July 22, 2013 at 9:04 pm