counter

Fridge Locker: Perfect Product for Fat and Selfish People Paranoid About Food Riots

As Jay Leno might say, “Just how fat have we gotten in America…” One might also add how selfish we have gotten. Are human beings now so territorial about their snacks that they require a heavy-duty cage with a combination lock to protect their treats from larceny?

The producers for the Fridge Locker infomercial are counting on it:

I think I have found the perfect customer for the Fridge Locker:

But perhaps the target market is not just people anxious about a co-worker surreptitiously taking a bite from their peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches.

Maybe people fear a coming cataclysm which will result in abandoned maintenance of zoos, leading to exotic animals foraging for food in urban locales—thus making a bear-proof (not to mention ocelot-proof) food storage container a practical necessity.

Such people believe fears about Y2K were not incorrect but merely premature:

So when a global food shortage provokes massive riots, you’ll be very glad you invested $19.99 in a Fridge Locker. Perhaps Kevin Trudeau and not Anthony Sullivan should have hosted this infomercial.

This is the perfect product if you plan to include a refrigerator in your post-apocalypse bomb shelter. When a rapacious gang of starving marauders manages to blast the padlock off your fridge with a shotgun, Fridge Locker can still protect that raspberry éclair you’ve been saving.

Comments

  • 3 Responses to “Fridge Locker: Perfect Product for Fat and Selfish People Paranoid About Food Riots”

  • Eh again I can see uses for this.

    I am amused that they felt the need to put “Do Not Try This At Home” over the bit with the bear. Because everyone has a bear handy to test out products with.

    Comment by Anne Packrat on February 22, 2011 at 11:41 am

  • That’s exactly what I was thinking! Sadly, I had already purchased the bear before noticing the warning. Product works great, btw! Kids? Not so much.

    Comment by Monica Hamburg on February 23, 2011 at 7:27 pm

  • If someone tried to keep beer or Twinkies away from me in a Food Locker, I’m sure I’d be able to get in there. I’m like an 800 pound grizzly bear with opposable thumbs… and the patience to try out 1,000 different locker combinations, if need be.

    Comment by Jeremy from We Took The Bait on February 26, 2011 at 11:54 am

Leave a Reply