Fridge Locker: Perfect Product for Fat and Selfish People Paranoid About Food Riots

As Jay Leno might say, “Just how fat have we gotten in America…” One might also add how selfish we have gotten. Are human beings now so territorial about their snacks that they require a heavy-duty cage with a combination lock to protect their treats from larceny?

The producers for the Fridge Locker infomercial are counting on it:

I think I have found the perfect customer for the Fridge Locker:

But perhaps the target market is not just people anxious about a co-worker surreptitiously taking a bite from their peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches.

Maybe people fear a coming cataclysm which will result in abandoned maintenance of zoos, leading to exotic animals foraging for food in urban locales—thus making a bear-proof (not to mention ocelot-proof) food storage container a practical necessity.

Such people believe fears about Y2K were not incorrect but merely premature:

So when a global food shortage provokes massive riots, you’ll be very glad you invested $19.99 in a Fridge Locker. Perhaps Kevin Trudeau and not Anthony Sullivan should have hosted this infomercial.

This is the perfect product if you plan to include a refrigerator in your post-apocalypse bomb shelter. When a rapacious gang of starving marauders manages to blast the padlock off your fridge with a shotgun, Fridge Locker can still protect that raspberry éclair you’ve been saving.