First World Problems – Bye Bye Tears Shampoo Band Alleviates the Suffering of Children

One of the saddest subjects any human being can contemplate is the day-to-day suffering so many children around the globe have to endure: malaria tormenting children in Africa; fighting in Afghanistan creating orphans who have to make their own way in a brutal war zone; families in southeast Asia who feel compelled to sell their own daughters into sex slavery in order to survive; poor kids in Honduras sniffing glue as they wander the streets like zombies.

It may seem that no one can do anything about so much anguish. But although no individual can solve all these problems, there is something people can do to alleviate misery closer to home.

I am speaking, of course, about the problem of children getting shampoo in their eyes during bath time:

The Bye Bye Tears Shampoo Band needs to be Exhibit A in any listing of “First World Problems”–but at least this one is a problem with a “shampoo-lution!”


  • 9 Responses to “First World Problems – Bye Bye Tears Shampoo Band Alleviates the Suffering of Children”

  • Everything marketed for kids now and keeping them from misery and ‘safe’…

    I’m surprised you haven’t gone off on the dog dicer infomercial.

    Comment by Tim on May 25, 2012 at 11:28 pm

  • Um, “patented flexi-channel”? Someone actually patented a groove in a piece of rubber?

    Comment by Sam on May 26, 2012 at 12:36 pm

  • There was actually a shampoo visor that predates this band thing.

    Aren’t most children’s shampoo tear less?

    Comment by pikapal on May 29, 2012 at 3:39 am

  • I’m getting one of these. My three year old freaks the fuck out when I wash her hair because she hates the water in her eyes! Yes, kids soaps are no tears, but that doesn’t matter! Anything that will save me from having to fight with her is worth a shot!!

    Comment by Prynne on May 30, 2012 at 7:27 pm

  • When I was a kid, I would use a dry washcloth to place over my eyes, that solved the problem for the burning eyes for me. 🙂

    Comment by M on June 9, 2012 at 11:21 pm

  • Tired of hearing the phrase “first world problems”. People who make infomercial products don’t exist to solve the world’s problems, they just want to make some extra money. It’s capitalism. The money they earn with their crap goes towards sustaining and educating their children, which is one of the forces that keeps us from becoming the fatuously-named “third-world” nations. It’s a direct result of the economy that allows people in the world not to struggle. There’s a nauseating liberal guilt overtone every time the phrase “first-world problem” is uttered. People who “solve” these problems with whatever “invention” it might be aren’t crusaders of mending the entire world. They’re just doing a job, one like any other, to pay the bills. There exist innumerable people in the “first world” who work tirelessly to solve the problems of the “third world” for which they are not in any way responsible. You can’t just tell everybody to drop everything, be it their meaningless cashier job at a fast food joint, or their useless product inventions, to turn their attention and lives to problems faced by unrelated, unknown, carelessly multiplying and thereby self-depressing people of disorganized nations that have not been able to assimilate the virtues of what people who love to use liberal guilt and the phrase “first-world problem” would at the surface regard as meaningless jobs. A “meaningless” job is what keeps us in the “first world” in the first place, and people in the “third world” WISH they could get any job, including the design of mostly useless infomercial products. So can the white guilt bullshit for a bit.

    Comment by Angry Andy on June 30, 2012 at 1:24 am

  • Sounds like someone got soap in his eyes this morning.

    Comment by euGene on June 30, 2012 at 11:42 am

  • @Prynne You’re a parent and you frequently drop the f bomb like that for no reason? And let me guess, you’re the “do as I say, not say as I do” type parent. Sigh. I pity the new generation of parents.

    Comment by Jay on August 9, 2013 at 10:20 am

  • The products a bit ho hum but I love the music they use to try and sell it. Sort of a weird cross between the B52’s and captain beefheart.

    Comment by Nick on July 26, 2015 at 2:22 am