Papa Bert’s Sippin’ Seat: The Perfect Gift for Any Cheap, Alcoholic Sports Fan Under 300 Pounds

Who knew there was such a thriving market for devices to help sneak booze into sports stadia! The Bootlegger let people strap a mini-bar to their ankles, and now Papa Bert’s Sippin’ Seat lets you carry a cushion secretly filled with your favorite alcoholic liquid:

One downside of this ingenious device is that when you use it to pour beer everyone will assume you are relieving yourself in a cup!

They call the plastic container that actually holds the liquid an “internal, flexible flask.” Good that it is entirely covered by the cushion during use, because it looks less like a “flask” than a catheter’s urine bag.

The commercial states, “It can hold both warm and cold beverages and will keep them a certain temperature for up to five hours.” Too bad that “certain temperature” just happens to be the same temperature as your butt cheeks.

The Sippin’ Seat is “…able to hold up to 300 pounds of pressure.” The target market for this thing is men who like to sit down, watch sports, and drink beer, so a 300 pound weight limit isn’t going to be nearly enough. Though perhaps it might encourage all those 290 pound guys to stay trim.

Considering the popularity of chili cheese dogs among such people, the commercial should have made clear that the cushion and “flask” are indeed going to prevent their beverage from becoming infused with the aroma of their own flatulence.

The weirdest thing about this video, however, is the use of “We Three Kings of Orient Are” as background music. Papa Bert’s Sippin’ Seat doesn’t seem like the ideal device to smuggle gold, frankincense or myrrh.

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