Ridiculous Infomercial Review Blog

Probably no personality dominated TV infomercials in the 1990’s more than Anthony Robbins. But his once-ubiquitous infomercials abruptly disappeared from the air, probably because of market saturation.

Now Tony Robbins has returned to the airwaves with an infomercial for his “Ultimate Edge” program. This latest Tony Robbins infomercial sells a “coaching” package of his usual rah-rah motivational bullcrap. And as in his infomercials of olde, lots of Hollywood celebrities and sports stars appear to declare that Anthony Robbins caused all their success and their own talent and hard work had nothing to do with it.

Tom Selleck of Magnum P.I. fame interviews Tony Robbins here—yet another former mega-star reduced to hosting an infomercial. Selleck appears so sedate that one wonders whether Tony Robbins’ hypnotic spell has turned him catatonic

This infomercial declares that Robbins “has become famous for his big smile and larger than life energy”—which is a nice way of saying he has the physique of Lurch and the hyperactivity of Matthew Lesko.

With his Ceaser haircut and wispy goatee, Robbins looks like a haggard middle-aged man desperately trying to appear hip and youthful.

Behold, a new version of the Dual Action Cleanse colon cleanser infomercial has made an appearance on the airwaves. Actually, it’s mostly just the old version of the Dual Action Cleanse infomercial where Dr. James Chappell interviews Klee Irwin, but there are some changes—so maybe this is the “director’s cut.”

What distinguishes this version is the strange and unnecessary insertion of stock photos and stock video.

There is also some new video of our good buddy Klee Irwin wearing a white lab coat and holding a beaker—and of course this PROVES that Klee is a legitimate scientist!

The part where Dr. Chappell disses competitor Danny Vierra remains, but Irwin’s response (“…I think someone must have torn it out because that same page was missing from my Bible too.”) has been edited out and replaced with a few seconds of Klee laughing like a jackass.

This clip gives a good sense of these changes:

The incessant use of stock photos is gratuitous and unnerving. When Klee talks about his “formula” for Dual Action Cleanse they show a photo of someone writing a mathematical equation on a whiteboard. I’ll go out on a limb and say that the equation they show has nothing to do with the “formula” for Dual Action Cleanse. Then when Klee mentions “a young child’s bowel movement” they show a picture of a young child (but only his smiling face). Why add that picture? If someone out there doesn’t know what a “young child” is, then that person doesn’t speak English at all and will not benefit from Klee’s wisdom—stock photo or not.

About a year ago the TV commercial for a product called the Tiddy Bear became an Internet phenomenon. The Tiddy Bear is a teddy bear strapped to the seat belt and placed over the chest to relieve pain or discomfort. People laughed at this commercial because “tiddy” sounds like “titty” and the women in the commercial place the bear near their breast—also known as a “titty.”

Everyone wondered whether the double meaning of the product name was intentional or accidental. Some people even thought the commercial might just be a big joke and not for a real product at all. I suspected that the name “Tiddy Bear” was some foreigner’s ill-fated attempt at the English language.

Now there is a new version of the Tiddy Bear commercial, which clears up some of those questions:

So the Tiddy Bear was both created and named by two Americans—Dee Hoffman and Marcia Burke. Burke tells us, “It has a funny name to get your attention” and later, “As a breast cancer survivor, I need more comfort from my car shoulder strap so I created the Tiddy Bear.” We now can be pretty sure that the name Tiddy Bear was an intentional combination of “Titty” and “Teddy Bear,” although if they really wanted to get people’s attention they should have named it “Hooter Bear.”

Later Burke says, “Ellen Degeneres called it maybe one of the best products ever invented, and she even gave it out to her entire audience.” Uhhh…Ellen Degeneres is a comedian. She probably said that sarcastically and most likely gave out the Tiddy Bear to her audience as a gag.

People, when I say Klee Irwin is the greatest human being in history, please don’t believe me!

You’ve probably seen that irritating twerp Vince from ShamWow on TV. Well it turns out that Vince had something of a history in entertainment before he ever started annoying people on the ShamWow commercials.

His name is Vince Offer and he wrote, directed, and starred in a 1999 movie called The Underground Comedy Movie, which was a sketch comedy film. To say that Vince’s movie was panned by critics would be quite an understatement. The New York Times claimed, “The Underground Comedy Movie stands as a monument to ineptitude and self-delusion.” Entertainment Weekly rated the movie an “F” and said of Vince Offer, “He’s got a second grader’s notion of satire.” The public doesn’t seem to like this movie any better than the critics: The average user rating on Netflix is 1.6 (out of 5) and caustic comments like “This movie was by far the worst movie I ever saw” appear with some regularity.

Apparently, Vince tried to sell DVDs of this movie through a TV commercial. I missed that commercial but you can watch the trailer here.

Infomercials and really bad movies are two of my great passions in life. So it brought tears to my eyes when I found out Vince from ShamWow had created a movie many earnestly claimed was the worst of all time. Needless to say, The Underground Comedy Movie went straight to the top of my Netflix queue.

So in great hopes of seeing one of the worst films ever made I watched Vince Offer’s directorial debut. And this may be the most difficult thing I have ever had to write in this blog but…

It’s not that bad.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying it’s a good film. I can confidently state that The Underground Comedy Movie sucks. But I just don’t think it’s a strong candidate for worst movie of all time. Keep in mind that I am an aficionado of trash cinema, so my perspective is a lot more jaded than that of most people. If you think the Vince from ShamWow movie is the worst movie of all time, then please have a look at Revenge of the Cheerleaders, Dice Rules, Dracula the Dirty Old Man, or any movie directed by Doris Wishman and then get back to me…or check into your nearest mental hospital.

The Underground Comedy Movie is lowbrow, gross-out comedy. The humor consists mainly of body parts, bodily fluids, comic violence, and nude bag ladies. The movie is based on sketches from Vince Offer’s L.A. cable access TV show and the humor is precisely at the level you would expect from a cable access show. The movie tries to offend people as much as it tries to make them laugh. Yes, most of the comedy is pretty awful and unfunny but it is not much different than lots of other attempts at low budget, lowbrow comedy. I will even admit to laughing out loud a few times (and I was laughing with it not at it), mainly at the old lady in the “Bat Man” sketch.

The Vince from ShamWow movie features lots of D-List celebrities: Gena Lee Nolin, Joey Buttafuoco, Michael Clarke Duncan, Slash, Angelyne. There is also an appearance by the once-respected actress Karen Black, and some “before they were famous” scenes with Ant (of Last Comic Standing) and Bobby Lee (of Mad TV). I love how this 1996 story in Entertainment Weekly reports that Axl Rose and Anna Nicole Smith were slated to appear in the movie—and instead they had to settle for Slash and Angelyne! In fact, Vince Offer sued Anna Nicole Smith in 2000 for backing out of the movie because she thought it would be detrimental to her career—probably the only wise decision Smith ever made in her tragic life.

The litigation surrounding The Underground Comedy Movie is more interesting than the movie itself. Vince Offer filed suit against the Farrelly brothers, creators of There’s Something About Mary, claiming they stole ideas from a promotional copy of The Underground Comedy Movie they received in 1997. Indeed, at the end of the DVD this appears on screen:

In 2004, Offer sued the Church of Scientology (of which he was once a member) for waging a “propaganda campaign” against him and his movie. (Yeah, Vince, that’s why your film never became a hit.)

It seems to me that Vince Offer thought The Underground Comedy Movie would catapult him into legitimate stardom; when it failed to do so he blamed Anna Nicole Smith, the Farrelley brothers, and the Church of Scientology—overlooking the more obvious explanation that his movie never became a hit because it just plain sucked.

It is no wonder that one theme in this movie is that of people in L.A. struggling to make it big in Hollywood. In “The Godmother” sketch Vinny (played by guess who) wants the Godmother to get him a part in a film. In the “Psychology Today” sketch, a young starlet tells her shrink about her struggles with the casting couch. And the “I Hate L.A.” music video contains lyrics about aspiring actresses trying to sleep their way to the top.

The other recurring theme in this landmark work of cinema is…sperm. Vince Offer must think that male ejaculate is the funniest substance on the planet. During a sketch called “The Porno Movie Review” they review a film called “Sperm Lake.” The “Dickman” sketch features a superhero whose head is a giant phallus—and I think you can figure out what weapon he uses to fight criminals. Near the end of the film an unnamed character played by Offer gets a big load of man-goo dumped on his face. I just wonder: Did Vince use a ShamWow to wipe it off?

I recently received an email from Ridiculous Infomercial Review reader Joren tipping me off that Mr. T, star of the 1980s TV show The A-Team, was hosting an infomercial. Frankly, I thought he was just making it up, but after a Web search I found out it is absolutely true.

Mr. T appears in the infomercial for Flavor Wave Oven Turbo. I have never seen this infomercial on TV but I did find this clip online:

I guess Mr. T agreed to do an infomercial because he didn’t think his persona had become cheesy enough already. The lines “And of course it had to be low fat” and “I pity the fool that keeps Mr. T waiting” are just priceless. I can’t wait to see the entire Mr. T Flavor Wave Oven Turbo infomercial for myself!

For those of you who just can get enough Mr. T, here he is performing the song “Treat Your Mother Right” from his excellent motivational video Be Somebody or Be Somebody’s Fool: