Suspicious Testimonial on the John Alexander Real Estate Infomercial

I, like you, find infomercials a haven of hilarity and absurdity. I recently bought and read your book, “Make That Call Now!” and found it to be as absurd and hilarious as the informercials I watch late at night. Kudos. I write the occasional review too, and here is my latest:

There’s a brand new infomercial terrorizing the airwaves right now. It’s for the Micro Grill. Basically, it’s a piece of plastic that gets hot in the microwave and “grills” your food. The host is the incomparable Jan, whom I remember vividly from the FoodSaver show and the infomercial that has the faux “iron”. Could this man be any more flaming? Where does he get his shirts?

His co-host is some annoying twit, who is shocked every time Jan removes the Micro Grill from the microwave and reveals his “perfectly grilled” foods. “Never in a million years would I think this came out of the microwave,” she says. She has the foodgasms down, and it’s hilarious, especially watching her and Jan share the same fork to test taste all the foods.

What bothers me about this infomercial is the complete lack of making the food look good. It all looks horrible. He claims the grill is non-stick, but on 2 occasions, mushrooms stuck to the upper grill plate. The salmon looked repulsive and it looks as if the Hot Pocket has exploded on the grill. Who wants a grilled Hot Pocket anyway? Why do people go on and on about those black grill lines being on their food? One foreign Micro Grill “user”, with an accent that rivals Zsa Zsa Gabor said in that thick accent, “It has the lines.”

At one point, Jan takes a bite of the co-host’s mother’s “famous” meatloaf, which was just cooked in the microwave, and after he eats it, he stands there with his eyes closed, looking like he has just reached orgasm and was basking in the afterglow. The way she shoved the fork in his mouth, and the look on his face, it was like he was giving a blowjob. He got his meat.

The announcer comes on and says, “Never have tough steaks again!” Yes, just throw em in the microwave! When I think of juicy, tender, medium-rare steaks, I think of the microwave. “Now, you can use your microwave for cooking real foods instead of heating drinks and making popcorn!”

This infomercial gets an 7 out of 10. It’s more hilarious that hypnotizing. (Now, the Magic Bullet must use subliminal messages, or some sort of mind control, because I, like several other people, have to watch that when it’s on.) The website gets a 9 out of 10 — if only for the hilarious FAQ page featuring notable information such as this:

4. What material is the Micro Grill made of?

The Micro Grill’s outer shell is plastic plastic and the grilling plates are non-stick.

(The website author wrote plastic twice.) Yes, it’s a piece a plastic, and doesn’t even use electricity and it’s $60. However, that comes with a free cookbook (that’s available for free on the internet to schmoes like me!).

NASTY!
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