Ridiculous Infomercial Review Blog

By now the spectacle of once-popular actors and actresses being reduced to infomercial hosts is a familiar one. Celebrities such as Linda Evans and Erik Estrada were once stars of the most popular television shows in the country and their faces fixtures on magazine racks. But their stars faded and they had to make due as infomercial hosts to make ends meet. Still, despite all the TV Guide and People Magazine covers (10 Sexiest Bachelors of 1979!), no one ever really took people like Linda Evans and Erik Estrada seriously, nor expected they would even be remembered—much less popular—20 or 30 years later. So the fact that they now hawk products on TV is hardly surprising to anyone.

More surprising is the case of Hugh Downs. He first came to prominence in the late 1950s as the announcer on The Tonight Show with Jack Paar. Later Hugh Downs became very well known as the anchor of the ABC news program 20/20. Downs won Emmy awards for his work on 20/20. These days Downs has gone from host of 20/20 to host of an infomercial peddling The World’s Greatest Treasury of Health Secrets, a book that’s supposed reveal all kinds of “amazing” cures that doctors don’t want you to know about. So a man who was once a pioneer of late night TV is now a fixture on a whole different kind of late night programming. Arizona State University happens to have a “Hugh Downs School of Human Communication” named after him—which is where the latest version of his infomercial was filmed. I wonder if some University will open a “Ron Popeil School of Human Communication” anytime soon.

Actors and broadcasters aren’t the only ones who turn to infomercials once their careers have dried up. The world of politics has several examples.

The infomercial for the National Grants Conference promotes a seminar by Mike and Irene Milin that’s supposed to reveal secrets for wrangling taxpayer money from the government. The show includes a panel of several unknown ex-bureaucrats. The earlier version of the infomercial also featured former congressman J.C. Watts and the current version features former congressman J.D. Hayworth. Both of these men once were movers and shakers in the halls of Congress. Now they’re peddling schemes for getting rich off government money; they’ve essentially turned themselves into Matthew Lesko with better wardrobes.

Then there is the case of Alexander “Al” Haig. Haig served as U.S. Secretary of State under President Reagan, fourth in line of succession to the presidency (a subject of some discussion during his tenure). Now Al Haig hosts an infomercial called “World Business Review.” If you ever catch the World Business Review infomercial you won’t exactly see Al Haig holding a Miracle Blade, standing next to Chef Tony, shouting, “But wait, there’s more: Call in the next five minutes and you’ll get an extra slicer—absolutely FREE!” World Business Review is a staid, serious, and quite boring bit of paid programming disguised as a public affairs program. It sells no products directly, but merely promotes the work being done by the companies who are profiled; these companies are hoping their appearance on this infomercial will help them score government and/or corporate contracts. It is important to remember that this is not a political video that is “like” an infomercial—it is a real infomercial: The producers are paid by the companies that get profiled; the producers then buy the airtime from a TV network (it is currently being shown on CNBC and Bravo) just like Guthy-Renker does for Proactiv Solution infomercials.

Here is a clip from one of the World Business Review infomercials where Al Haig gets to show off his teleprompter reading skills. If you find it dull you’re in good company because it looks as if Al Haig is about to doze off at several moments.

Haig isn’t the first prominent person to host this series of infomercials either: General Norman Swartzkopf and former Secretary of Defense Caspar Weinberger played the same role in the past. Still, as former Secretary of State, Al Haig is the highest ranking member of the Federal government ever to host a broadcast infomercial. Al Haig has gone from being a peer of Thomas Jefferson, Dean Acheson, and Henry Kissinger to being a peer of Cathy Mitchell and Billy Mays.

I’ve written previously about the connection between infomercial celebrities and The Learning Annex. Apparently this was not a one-time fluke. The current issue of the The Learning Annex catalog for San Francisco is promoting their “Real Estate & Wealth Expo” and on the cover are three men who have appeared on infomercials. Looming above it all is Donald Trump who is joined by Anthony Robbins (Personal Power, Get the Edge) and George Foreman (Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Grilling Machine).

I have also pointed out the connection between infomercial stars and reality TV shows. So I think I can set forth this hypothesis:

Infomercials + Reality TV + The Learning Annex = Kingdom of the D-Listers

If this equation is valid, then I think we can crown Donald Trump as king of the D-List. He hosts a reality TV show (The Apprentice), speaks at Learning Annex events, and has an infomercial promoting this “Way to Wealth” seminars,

Another person who might be considered D-List royalty under this equation is Matthew Lesko, who has taught a class at The Learning Annex and has recently made an appearance as a member of “The Mob” on the game show 1 vs 100.

There may be other people who fulfill all three parts of this equation, but it’s hard to find out if someone has ever taught a class at The Learning Annex (Ron Jeremy? Miss Cleo?).

We know that many has-been celebrities end up hosting infomercials. But where do has-been infomercial stars go?

Well, if the current catalog of The Learning Annex San Francisco is any indication, many of them can be found teaching classes there.

If you’re not familiar with The Learning Annex, it is a venerable institution of adult instruction that offers classes on such hallowed subjects as “How to Make a Million Dollars Flipping Houses” and “Better Orgasms Through Tantric Meditation.”

On the cover of the current San Francisco Learning Annex catalog can be found Jay “The Juiceman” Kordich and Susan Powter. You remember Susan Powter. She’s the obnoxious harpy who used to appear on her own diet infomercials urging people to “Stop the Insanity.” Her picture on the Learning Annex catalog cover shows her with two-toned hair flying in all sorts of directions, lots of eye make-up, and a nose-ring. Susan Powter looks more like a porn star than Nina Hartley—the actual porn star who dominates the left side of the cover. (The cover also features some woman named Andrea Adler. I don’t know who she is but she must be honored to be featured in such august company.)

Open the pages of the catalog and you’ll find even more people who include “infomercial star” on their résumés. There’s our good friend Matthew Lesko teaching a class about—what else—how to get free money from the government. And there’s Howard Berg. In the 1990s the rotund Mr. Howard Berg appeared with Kevin Trudeau in an infomercial that sold his speed reading course. (I used to refer to this infomercial as “The Felon and the Fat Ass.”) Berg’s course was one of the few products I have ever actually purchased from an infomercial. It sucked, by the way.

The Juiceman, Susan Powter, Nina Hartley, Matthew Lesko, Howard Berg—that sounds like a great cast for the next season of The Surreal Life. Are you listening VH1?

Where do once-famous but now almost-forgotten former celebrities turn? Some of course host infomercials. Others attempt to revive their sagging careers by debasing themselves on some “celebrity” reality show such as The Surreal Life.

But what if that star’s fame has not merely faded but has instead been replaced by infamy? What if the celebrity is now known more for the wreck he has made of his life than for whatever made him famous in the first place?

Take, for example, Gary Coleman, the former child star of Diff’rent Strokes and an E! True Hollywood Story staple. All the money he made in his “Whatchu talkin’ ‘bout, Willis” days was, he claimed, taken and squandered by his greedy parents and corrupt manager. He sued them in 1993 and filed for bankruptcy in 1999. There was even a Gary Coleman “Web-a-thon” selling Coleman-branded items to try to help get him out of debt. And things didn’t get any better from there: Coleman had to take a job as security guard to make ends meet, was charged with assaulting an autograph seeker, and made a clownish run for governor of California during the 2003 recall election.

Or consider the case of MC Hammer. Hammer was once the most popular musician in the U.S. and the most famous rapper in the world, a man whose videos for “U Can’t Touch This” and “2 Legit 2 Quit” were played ad nauseam on MTV in the early 90s. But then the usual Behind the Music scenario played out as Hammer squandered his fortune on a mansion and other bling and was forced into bankruptcy in 1996.

Can the term “tragedy” be applied to an inanimate object? If so, then the fate of the Pets.com Sock Puppet might be characterized as tragic. The Pets.com Sock Puppet remains to this day the pre-eminent icon of the Dot Com bubble era. This piece of fabric was the star of TV commercials, including a $2.6 million spot during the infamous 2000 “dot com” Super Bowl broadcast, and made an appearance as a balloon in the 1999 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. When Pets.com ceased operation in November 2000, the famous sock puppet became a mere asset, to be sold off like so many chairs and computer monitors.

They were all once as famous as anyone, and now each of these personalities is better known for his fall than for his rise. So what are these fallen stars to do? Join forces to open a “Bankrupt All-Stars Café?”

Actually, they all leveraged their reputations for making financial wrecks of their lives to shill financial services to other people who have made financial wrecks of their lives. Their commercials aired on daytime TV during broadcasts of programs such as Springer and The Maury Povitch Show, when most of the viewing audience consists of prostitutes, drug addicts, welfare bums, and people living of phony workman’s comp claims.

Gary Coleman appeared in commercials for CashCall, which provides quick, unsecured payday loans with “just a signature”—his endorsement made all the more effective by the fact that CashCall is exactly the kind of service Coleman himself may have relied on in the past and will probably need again in the very near future.

MC Hammer, the rapper with screwed up finances, peddled the services of Nationwide Financial Services, which offers mortgages and insurance for people with screwed up finances. (By the way, Hammer also appeared in the first season of The Surreal Life.)

The lucky winner of the Sock Puppet in the Pets.com fire sale was 1-800-BAR-NONE, which offers auto loans to people with “less-than-perfect credit.” The spokespuppet now utters Bar None’s poignant motto “Everyone deserves a second chance.” Below are two video clips of the dog being put to work in BarNone’s commercials. It’s a long way from the Super Bowl!

What do has-been or D-list celebrities, in need of money and desperate to jump-start their careers, do? They might host an infomercial. Or appear on VH1’s bottom-of-the-barrel reality show The Surreal Life.

And in some cases they’ll do both. Season 2 of The Surreal Life included Erik Estrada and Ron Jeremy in its cast—both of whom appeared in infomercials featured on the Ridiculous Infomercial Review (California Pines and ExtenZe).

Other Surreal Life cast members who have appeared in infomercials include Christopher “Peter Brady” Knight (Ab Lounge) and Florence “Carol Brady” Henderson (Expressware Infusion Cooking System; Chromatrim Diet Gum).

There are two types of “celebrities” featured on infomercials: those who were made famous by something else, and those who were made famous entirely through their infomercials. People such as Ron Popeil and the Juiceman are well known to the public only through their infomercials. So far, The Surreal Life has featured only celebs made famous before resorting to infomercials (Estrada - ChiPs; Jeremy - porn; Kight and Henderson - The Brady Bunch). However, that may change in Season 7 of The Surreal Life.

According to this Wikipedia article, the confirmed cast of The Surreal Life 7 includes “psychic Youree Harris” which attentive readers of the Ridiculous Infomercial Review will recognize as the real name of Miss Cleo!

I have done a lot of searching on the Web and so far I can find nothing outside of this Wikipedia article to confirm that Miss Cleo will appear in The Surreal Life 7. If anyone knows of any other websites or other sources that confirm this fact, please add them in the comments of this post or send me an email.