New Extamax Infomercial Shows Us “The Good, The Bad & The Ugly”
Bad news for sentient beings everywhere: A brand new version of the Extamax infomercial has hit the airwaves. This one is called Candid Confessions: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly, so at least the last half of the title is accurate.
For the most part, the new program is similar to the previous Extamax infomercial—lots of scantily dressed women in their twenties making sure we all get the message that “size matters” and that they routinely kick guys out of bed who don’t measure up. Hard to decide who should be more offended: Men who are told that 75% to 80% of their worth depends on their genital size, or women who are being represented by such brain dead tramps?
The specific girls featured are different, and Dr. Victoria Zdrok, the Ukrainian porn star with a PhD, has been replaced as host by Tiffany Granath, who does some sort of talk show for Playboy radio. Also different is an onscreen disclaimer that pops up throughout the program:
It says, “Participants in Candid Confessions were renumerated (sic.)”—what they meant to say was “remunerated,” which means the women were paid to tell us their thoughts on male genitalia. I’d say the producers got their money’s worth because this infomercial is probably more shameless than the old one.
Perhaps the statement that most strains credibility here comes from a blonde named Cody:
“The guy I’m dating right now is actually amazing in the bedroom and I like to brag to all my friends about it and…if we’re feeling really frisky…invite them…maybe they want to experience it too.”
They must have “renumerated” a writer from the Vivid Video script department to concoct that tale. Sorry to break it to you men, but if your penis grows an inch longer your mate will not feel compelled to “share” you with all her sexy friends. But men watching this will believe it. Because men are stupid.
A woman named Jenny plays a role similar to the one Ami did in the previous infomercial, because she is the only person on the program who might actually be a she-male:
Two statements on this program make one wonder if these girls aren’t spending time in even worse places than sleazy nightclubs. One is when Dimitri says, “If he has a small penis I probably won’t talk to him.”
How, exactly, does she know a guy has a small penis before she has even talked to him?
The other statement comes from Jamie who says that if a guy has a “big package” he will benefit because “If you just show it around, people will probably want to touch it.”
Where do guys get to “show it around” in the hopes that people might “touch it?”
The most outlandish comments throughout the Extamax infomercial probably come from a 28-year-old Leah Remini look-a-like named Nicole.
She insists that “If you got a good-sized member you can probably figure the rest of life out eventually.” Hey, it worked well for John C. Holmes!
She then goes on to offer sympathy for men afflicted with an undersized member: “‘Cause for women…we don’t have something like that…[that] could be like such a dealbreaker, you know.” Hmmmm….I’m guessing men might be able to think of a few of their own “dealbreakers”…probably within 5 milliseconds.
If you’re in the mood to despair over the human race, watch some of the lowlights from the Extamax infomercial:
17 Responses to “New Extamax Infomercial Shows Us “The Good, The Bad & The Ugly””
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