Ridiculous Infomercial Review Blog

I’ve written before about the incredibly annoying ShamWow commercial starring everyone’s favorite new pitchman Vince. The video I included in that earlier post was the short version of the Sham Wow TV commercial. Here is the full length version:

There are two great things about this version of the ShamWow ad:

The line, “Made in Germany. You know the Germans always make good stuff.” Yeah, like Panzers and V-2 rockets! (In trying to come up with a line here, I realized that it is hard to think of a quip about Nazi death camps that wouldn’t be in bad taste.)

The other hilarious thing about the long ShamWow commercial comes at 1:24. The words “ten years” were obviously dubbed in later. And Vince, knowing they weren’t sure how long they would claim the ShamWow lasts, deliberately puts the ShamWow towel over his mouth so that viewers wouldn’t notice the mismatch between his lips and his words. (Sure Vince, that plan really worked out smoothly!)

2007 was the year of the Cavalcade of Colon Cleansing infomercials, with Dual Action Cleanse, Almighty Cleanse, Colon Flow, and the 7 Day Miracle Cleanse competing to clear the crap out of your colon. In 2008, however, infomercials seem to be obsessed with a much nicer body part: Breasts.

The first wave of these infomercials simply used exposed cleavage to attract viewers. This use of cleavage was completely gratuitous, because the products being sold on the infomercials had nothing to do with breasts. The best example of this was the Jeff Paul Shortcuts to Internet Millions infomercial, which featured the massive globes of two luscious models to sell a money-making program. Also in this category are the Video Professor infomercial in which hostess Rebecca Grant shows off her assets to spice up a dull infomercial selling computer training videos, the Erica Inc infomercial which uses cleavage to get people to listen to a pitch for a biz op, and the Magic Bullet To Go infomercial in which the camera angles let viewers look down Mimi Umidon’s tank top.

Recently, however, infomercials have been selling products that actually have to do with breasts. Chic Shaper is an accessory that is worn under the bra to fool people into thinking a woman has large boobs. Easy Curves is an exercise bar that is supposed to increase the bustline.

With this suddenly popularity of big breasts gripping the infomercial world, I suggest that this year’s Electronic Retailing Association awards ceremony open with Forbes Riley and Jack LaLanne signing a duet of this song:

It would be the highlight of the event!

Fans of this site know that Santo Gold was the creative force behind an incredibly strange 1980’s infomercial that both sold a gold jewelry business opportunity and promoted a “space wrestling” movie called Blood Circus.

Better known is the musician Santogold (born Santi White) whose album made the Billboard charts this year.

It appears that the “original” Santo Gold, whose real name is Santo Victor Rigatuso, did not think that imitation was the sincerest form of flattery. On June 17, 2008, Rigatuso filed suit in US Southern District Court of New York to prevent Santi White from using the name Santogold.

The website Stereogum has this very informative post about the Santo Gold lawsuit. (Funniest line: “I think we can all agree it’s definitely Santogold that is the biggest obstacle to Santo Gold’s future in entertainment.”) The post says the information comes from a 20 page complaint from the Lustigman Firm, P.C.

You might also want to read this post from ChartAttack.

Also there is a poorly written press release about the Santo Gold suit floating around the Web. The press release doesn’t indicate who released it or provide contact information—which is kind of the whole point of a press release!

We will try to keep you informed on the progress of this monumental event in entertainment law. I just hope that members of the jury will be given free scream bags.

Also, Rigatuso has put out a song called “I am the Real Santo Gold.” The following video shows 17 seconds of the movie Blood Circus before proceeding with the song:

It looks like someone’s pissed about his name being stolen!

Frankly, I wish Rigatuso would forget about the lawsuit and about making music and instead work to get the movie Blood Circus properly released and distributed on DVD! There is A LOT of pent up demand from people who have heard about Blood Circus for 20 years and are dying to see it for themselves. I think a company like Something Weird Video would be very interested in properly manufacturing and promoting a film like Blood Circus. It would be a (wrestling) match made in heaven!

Chic Shaper is a product that is worn under the bra so that a woman can fool people into thinking she has larger breasts. The infomercial for Chic Shaper pretends that it is taking place during some sort of a photo shoot where all the models are wearing Chic Shaper.

Host Mindy McCortney says, “I have been noticing a lot of flirting going on on this set.” Unfortunately, I think most of the flirting is taking place between the male wardrobe consultants and the male hairdressers.

Just as the infomercial for the Alzare male enhancement product insists that larger genitals provide instant confidence for men, the Chic Shaper infomercial proclaims that a larger bust provides greater confidence for women—which I guess means Dolly Parton and Pamela Andersen are among the most confident females on planet Earth.

This infomercial declares that the ChicShaper product provides a “youthful silhouette”—which is a very interesting euphemism for “it prevents your sagging boobs from hitting the floor.”

The Chic Shaper infomercial also tells us that the product provides improved posture. So ladies, if you try the Chic Shaper and some creepy guy starts staring at your chest and breathing heavily, you can be confident that he is admiring your “great posture.”

They also proclaim that Chic Shaper will become “Your bra’s new best friend”—and your bra really needs a friend, considering how your husband or boyfriend is always trying to tear it off!

The commercial for Cash4Gold.com seems to be all over TV these days. Cash 4 Gold is a service that allows people to mail in their scrap gold jewelry—rings, necklaces, earrings, etc—and get paid for it. Here’s the ad:

Some comments:

Cash4Gold made a bold decision to use a transsexual to give a testimonial. I think that guy is going to star in the remake of Tootsie.

Every time I see that brunette woman who says, “I sent in my diamond wedding band from my first marriage and got money the very next day” I get a strong hunch that her first husband was Vince from ShamWow.