Ridiculous Infomercial Review Blog

Here’s a claim that may become a trend in get-rich-quick infomercials: “It’s so easy even a kid could do it!”

I first noticed this claim on the infomercial for WizeTrade stock trading software. The infomercial features a 12-year-old boy named Christian Powers who made 355% using Wizetrade, including $700 on a single trade. Click here to see part of a newspaper ad for Wizetrade that features Christian Powers with the headline “A Child’s Secret to Winning on Wall Street.” (You can go to this issue of Metro Vancouver to see the full ad on page 4.) Frankly, I’m not sure touting that “even a kid could do it” is a very good tactic when selling software, since many parents actually feel intimidated by their children’s superior computer prowess.

The other infomercial featuring a kid getting rich is the ad for the Robert Allen Institute real estate workshop. This infomercial features a kid named JJ Bright who made $36,000 on his first real estate deal. They even feature the video of this kid’s testimonial on the Official Robert Allen Institute website. But just in case you think a young boy making that kind of money will turn into a rapacious little Donald Trump, they also tout JJ for using his real estate wealth to buy bicycles for underprivileged children. (You can learn more at JJ Bright’s website, including Robert Allen’s help in fundraising.)

So if you take your kid to this seminar and he ends up blowing all his real estate riches on cocaine and hookers, don’t blame Bob Allen!

Before he became “The King of Infomercials” Ron Popeil was already well know for selling his Ronco gadgets on short form TV commercials.

The website for the Biography channel features dozens of these classic 1970s Ronco commercials, including spots for Mr. Microphone, Mince-O-Matic, Mr. Dentist, Smokeless Ashtray, Pocket Fisherman, and many more.

I only remember the Mr. Mircophone and Mr. Dentist ads first hand, but watching these commercials will take anyone back to the era of disco, leisure suits, and hyperinflation. Can there really be anything more 1970s than roller skating in hot pants while using a Mr. Microphone?

Perhaps the most famous tag line in infomercial history is “Set It and Forget It” from the Ron Popeil infomercial for his Ronco Showtime Rotisserie. This phrase is so well known that it’s hard to believe anyone would try to copy it.

But that, apparently, is what the folks who made a TV commercial for the Patch Perfect grass seeds have done. Only instead of “Set It and Forget It” they say “Spread It ’n Forget It!” (which I’m sure has also been uttered many times by Ron Jeremy in a completely different context).

Go to this website to watch the cheesy Patch Perfect commercial for yourself.

Patch Perfect does, however, have an original motto of its own that just might become a classic: “It’s Like Grass Seed on Steroids,” which should appeal to the groundskeepers at Major League Baseball stadiums.

I recently got a cell phone with a built in camera. I doubted that I would ever have any use for my phone camera, thinking it a feature more suited to 13-year-old girls who want to take pictures of their drunken friends to put on MySpace.

But recently I was in Rite Aid and I came across a frightening spectacle that I just needed to snap a picture of. No, it wasn’t a ghost or an ax murder: It was the image of Klee Irwin on a box of Dual Action Cleanse.

Yes it appears that Dual Action Cleanse is now being sold at your local drug store and supermarket. Klee Irwin apparently thinks he now has enough fame and credibility that putting his own greasy face and scraggly facial hair on the package will actually tempt people to buy the product. Maybe Klee wants to transform himself into a beloved and familiar advertising mascot on store shelves, like Aunt Jemima or Count Chocula.

The text beneath Klee’s signature reads, “Klee Irwin Host of the TV Show Health Breakthroughs.” I’m not sure what “Health Breakthroughs” is but I strongly suspect it was the B.S. title given to one of his infomercials so that he could fool old people into thinking they were watching a real talk show.

Have you ever seen the Quacker Factory clothing sold on QVC? A rotund woman named Jeanne Bice (who sports headbands to sop up her flop sweat) founded the Quacker Factory and is thus culpable for the clothes, which are distinctive for being absolutely hideous. Covered in sequins, festooned in rhinestones, and plastered with multi-colored cartoon characters, these clothes look like someone dumped the craft box of a kindergarten class on them.

To further add to the absurdity of the Quacker Factory is the fact that the customers for these garish clothes are fat old ladies (not unlike founder Jeanne Bice)—who apparently desire to bring maximum attention to their girth.

Having gasped in horror at these clothes for years, I decided to record the Quacker Factory segments on QVC. (I may be the only person who ever got a TiVo “Season Pass” for the “Quacker Factory with Jeanne Bice.”) But when I went to view what I recorded I was greatly disappointed.

The style of the Quacker Factory clothes has been toned down considerably. Whereas before we used to see a parade of clothes like this:

Now we get items with just modest embellishment, such as a tame band of sequins around the neckline or sleeves:

Why the dramatic change in style (at least in the clothes featured on QVC)?

The television program Mad TV has run several sketches lampooning the absurdity of the Quacker Factory clothing styles. (I tried looking for video of one of these sketches but couldn’t find anything online.) Could this mockery have influenced Jeanne Bice to tone down the amount of sparkly mess on her designs?