Ridiculous Infomercial Review Blog

Fans of infomercials should know that the boob tube is not the only place you’ll find “paid programming.” Radio has infomercials too, even though most people aren’t even aware of the existence of these little gems. And more and more of these radio infomercials are making their way onto TV. (“Grown up radio infomercials” as I like to call them.)

You tend to find radio infomercials aired on the less powerful AM stations on the weekends and late at night.

There are many fewer types of products sold through radio infomercials than there are sold via TV infomercials. You will find a few radio infomercials selling memory courses and at least one selling a child rearing course. In the mid-90’s several reading courses were sold via radio infomercial, no doubt inspired by the widely advertised “Hooked on Phonics.” The vast majority of radio infomercials, however, sell health products—almost always some sort of pill or potion you ingest to cure whatever’s ailing you.

The specific ingredient of the cure being peddled differs widely. All of the following substances have been sold on radio infomercials as the cure to human suffering:

• Blue-green algae
• Tahitian noni
• Green tea
• Greek oregano
• Colloidal silver
• Hyaluronic Acid
• Queen bee’s nectar
• Ginger
• Fish oil

And believe me that list is just the beginning.

Many of these “miracle” ingredients—such as green tea and oregano—are actually common substances. So the infomercials make a big point of explaining why you can’t just go to your local grocery store and buy them: You would have to drink green tea all day long to get the benefits just taking one of their pills will give you. The oregano you get at the supermarket in not the real Greek oregano (’joy of the mountain’) but is in fact Mexican sage. The queen bee’s nectar sold in health food stores is freeze dried and not fresh like the product sold on the radio. And of course all the processing, chemicals, and pesticides have destroyed any benefits that the common version of the substance could have given, so you need to get the “all natural” version sold on the radio.

Nearly all radio infomercials tell of an idyllic past when people ate all natural food and breathed air and drank water free from pollutants. And now chemicals have turned our every breath and swallow into something that makes us ill and brings us closer to death. The exact historical period of this healthy golden time (The Victorian era? The Dark Ages? Eden?) is never specified. But the radio infomercials want you to know that your ancestors lived clean and healthy and modern technology means you’re getting screwed. Indeed, several radio infomercial tell of isolated villages even today (often in Japan) where people live long and vibrant lives because everyone in that community ingests whatever miracle ingredient the infomercial is trying to sell you.

Many people think TV infomercials are dishonest and prone to exaggeration. But most TV infomercials are models of probity when compared to radio infomercials. Radio infomercials will not only sell any damn thing but they’ll say any damn thing to sell it.

All the products sold on radio infomercials cure only two things: namely, anything and everything. Indeed, they try their damnedest to mention as many ailments as they can, and tell of people with those symptoms who no longer suffer after taking the product. Then they’ll also mention that they can’t legally claim that their product cures anything—before telling of still more people cured by their product.

Many of these radio infomercials emphasize intestinal health, and the urban legend about John Wayne is repeated endlessly on these programs–so much so that the John Wayne story is pretty much a hallmark of the radio infomercial genre. The story goes that John Wayne donated his body to science and during the autopsy 40 or more pounds of fecal matter and undigested food were found in his colon. And the same thing could happen to you if you don’t take their product. I am so glad that “grown up radio infomercials” on TV are now delighting whole new audiences with this weird and gross story.

Years ago a woman on a radio infomercial selling a reading course related a sorrowful tale of an illiterate lady who could only buy food based on the pictures on the box. Then one day she purchased some chicken only to bring it home and find out it was not the chicken pictured on the bag but only the breading. This story, too, is featured on the Urban Legends Reference Pages. And I’m confident that if a person would closely listen to radio infomercials they would find them teeming with urban legends of all sorts.

As I mentioned, more and more of these radio infomercials seem to be making their way onto TV these days. And even many infomercials that didn’t originally start out life as radio infomercials could be considered “grown up radio infomercials” if they follow the basic pattern described above and consist of just one or more hosts interviewing an expert and maybe taking calls. (The kind of thing that could be done on the radio without any loss of information.)

Here’s to hoping more radio infomercial oddities make their way onto the small screen.

By the way, these devices would be perfect for listening to radio infomercials:

My piece on Dual Action Cleanse with Klee Irwin may be my “crappiest” infomercial review ever, mainly because it is nothing but people talking about bowel movements.

I’ve included two video clips from this thing, so that even if you haven’t caught it on TV you can still get a chance to squirm at discussion of human feces.

Over and over again, people on forums and blogs seem to assume that one-time real estate guru Tom Vu spent time in prison, supposedly for fraud related to his infomercials and seminars. I have never seen any solid evidence that this is the case.

I distinctly remember a report in the early 1990s that Vu was being investigated by the Florida attorney general. Vu pulled his infomercials during this investigation and never aired them again. But I have never seen any credible report that Vu was ever formally charged with a crime, much less convicted and sent to prison.

It was also widely reported that many of the “graduates” of Vu’s seminars were upset with Vu. The main point of contention was that Vu promised to provide them with money if they found any good real estate deals, and they claimed that he never came through on that promise. These people had hired attorneys and were at least considering filing suit. But I do not know if any lawsuit was ever filed, if it ever went to trial, or if there was an out of court settlement. And, in any case, civil lawsuits do not result in prison time.

I think because of the investigation, the accusations of disgruntled graduates, the sudden disappearance of the Tom Vu infomercials from the airwaves, and the conviction of other real estate gurus such as William McCorkle, people just assume that Vu must have been convicted and done time. If anyone has any solid evidence of what ever happened to Tom Vu in regards to criminal or civil wrong-doing I would honestly appreciate seeing it.

Whatever may have happened to Tom Vu in the past, he is certainly not in prison now. Tuan “Tommy” Vu is a top poker player who entered the 2005 World Series of Poker and came in 22nd place, earning over $300,000. You can see pictures of how Tom Vu looks today here and here, and watch a video of Vu being interviewed at the WSOP.

If you’ve been in a casino in the past few years, you know that all kinds of TV shows are being made into slot machines. Everything from game shows like Wheel of Fortune and The Price is Right to sit-coms like The Beverly Hillbillies and The Munsters. But I never thought I’d see the day when infomercials were seen as fodder for casino games.

“Ron Popeil’s But Wait! Win More!” slot machine from IGT was unveiled at the 2004 Global Gaming Expo. Such classic Ronco products as the Popeil Pasta Maker and the Inside-the-Egg Scrambler replace bars and 7s here. Rather than lemons or cherries, this slot presents carrots, onions, and other vegetables, presumably sliced by the Ronco Dial-O-Matic. Videos of Ron Popeil himself appear during play to introduce bonus games. And sitting atop this shrine to the “King of Infomercials” is a replica of the Showtime Rotisserie complete with rotating chicken.

This really is a great idea. So many people have spent money on Ron’s gadgets over the years just to have them collect dust in a kitchen drawer or end up “re-gifted” to some distant cousin. Now they have an opportunity to win some of that money back.

Everything I’ve read about the Popeil slot says that it was introduced as a “prototype” in 2004. I’d be interested to know if anyone has actually seen this machine in a real life casino anywhere.

If this slot becomes popular maybe infomercial-themed slot machines will become a trend. Could the Tommy Vu Poker Slot be far behind?

See some great pictures of the Popeil slot here, here, and here.

Watch a video of Ron Popeil being interviewed about his slot machine:

Infomercials for sex products are always good for a laugh. And I’ve certainly reviewed my share (Poder Sexual, ExtenZe, Alzare). But the most hilarious infomercial I’ve ever seen for a sexual health product was something called “Passion’s Fire.”

Passion’s Fire probably aired around 1995 or 96 and it advertised aphrodisiac pills (this was before Viagra). The thing that made Passion’s Fire so funny was the genuine strangeness of the testimonials.

At one point the host read letters they had received from satisfied Passion’s Fire users. One 80-year-old woman wrote that the product had helped her and added, “Now if I could only find a partner we will make beautiful music together.” It is not entirely clear why an 80-year-old woman without any partner needs to take pills to make her perpetually horny or how this makes an improvement in her life.

Another woman wrote that she works as a clerk at a supermarket and “Now I think about sex all day long,” which I’m sure made for some very happy bag boys.

And the videotaped testimonials were just a good. One middle-aged man took a swing with his golf club and claimed that the aphrodisiac pills helped his golf game by giving him more energy.

Then there was an elderly lady who said something along the lines of “I have found the side effects of this product to be very beneficial. It has strengthened the muscles in my legs. And it has helped me with my incontinence.” So she used to wet her pants but now she is doing the horizontal mambo on a regular basis. Get that nightmarish image stuck in your head and you’ll be the one in need of Passion’s Fire.

Passion’s Fire didn’t air for very long and I never got it on tape. Yet another “one that got away.”