My Top Off: Convenient Way for Douchebags to Open Their Zima Bottles

TV infomercials have given us plenty of strange products, lame sales pitches and bad acting over the years. But no infomercial has given us quite the amount of douchebaggery in evidence in the My Top Off ad:

The douchiness starts with the double-entendre name, My Top Off. No doubt this witty pun will appeal to the kind of cheeseballs who strut into bars and think it’s clever to say to a woman, “If I told you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”

This infomercial shows us scenes of the hip and young chilling at a ski lodge, partying poolside, shooting billiards, lounging on a boat…and what all these young hipsters have in common is that they can’t use a bottle opener or manually remove a twist-off cap! How many times have you needed to open a bottle and said to yourself, “Bottle openers are too small! I need a big cylinder to take off this bottle top!”

Interesting how we are told that “the perfect place” for My Top Off is “the pub.” In bars across the world, women will soon be asking men, “Is that a My Top Off in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

All this douchery indicates that the next My Top Off infomercial may very well feature an endorsement from the cast of Entourage.

The real tragedy in all of this is that My Top Off is being released just a few years after Zima stopped production in the United States.