IonPod Turns Your Drinking Water Into the Fountain of Youth…or Something

The IonPod is a metal bottle that alkalizes your water to reduce the levels of acidity in your body. Yes, it is a dull product, but this product resulted in one strange and off-kilter infomercial:

You got to love how they associate acidity levels with the aging process itself by showing a young boy morphing into an old man. If only you hadn’t consumed so many acidic Diet Cokes you could still be five-years-old today!

To further drive home the point, they produce a bar graph with the face of a toddler next to “ph9” and a sad-looking old man next to “ph6.”

In case you still didn’t get the message that “acid = old = bad” they slap the words “Toxic” and “Acidic” over the geezer’s face.

Hey, what did that guy ever do to them!

They then cut to a woman bubbling up from a fountain in the middle of a lake, clothed a spotless white dress and hoisting the IonPod, not unlike Lady Liberty holding her torch aloft.

To prove how practical and popular this product is, three teenagers are shown clinking their IonPods together as part of some unidentified toast…

…of course their IonPods are filled with Captain Morgan, but the replaceable mineral cartridge will ensure their alcohol has an improved alkaline balance for better health.

We also get to enjoy a glimpse into the home life of a man sitting at his breakfast table who takes the IonPod from his wife with trepidation, as if he fears he is about to be poisoned.

Once he has finished taking his hesitant sip, he nods in approval, pleasantly surprised that the IonPod did not cause him to immediately begin vomiting up blood.