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Fish School Forces Your Pet Goldfish to Work His Tail Off!
Imagine life as a pet fish.
Instead of getting an entire pond, stream, or lake to roam in, you are imprisoned within the confines of an aquarium or goldfish bowl for the rest of your life. You have little or no privacy, and strange faces periodically gaze at you through the glass walls of your cell. These large creatures will sometimes even shake you to the core by tapping on the glass, the reason for which eludes your comprehension.
Even worse comes when your owners decide to teach their 8-year-old “responsibility” by having the kid take care of you. Your feeding schedule suddenly becomes erratic. And the time between tank cleanings grows longer and longer, forcing you to swim in cloudy water infused with your own feces.
But the one single, solitary benefit of being someone’s pet is that you don’t have to do any work: Your owners just drop food in front of you.
Until now:
Fish School promises to get your pet guppy to perform tricks like Shamu at SeaWorld. You apparently use the “same mammal training techniques” pros use to train performing dolphins. (Of course, your pet fish isn’t a mammal at all, but never mind.)
While dog owners are pampering their animals with memory foam beds and indoor bathrooms, fish owners are forcing their animals start earning a living by using Fish School’s “patented feeding wand” to give “positive reinforcement” to make their little swimmers work their tails off. No trick, no food!
Pity the poor pet fish. His life just got worse.
Comments
8 Responses to “Fish School Forces Your Pet Goldfish to Work His Tail Off!”
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Comment by Yami on January 20, 2010 at 5:26 pm
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“Use your old fish, or get one new” – I like the unfortunate implications of this one; if your existing pet won’t perform, just flush it and buy a new one! That moron cheering in the stadium gave the authenticity of a fish playing sports to a human-like proficiency. The PAINFUL rhyme aside, unsure how a fish swimming underneath something can be referred to as “the limbo”.
While the reputed 3-second memory of a goldfish has been shown to be much longer, the drug ad-like disclaimer seems to indicate that the educational toys will mostly sit at the bottom of the aquarium gathering algae.
And that year’s supply of fish food must be highly nutritious if it’s included for free with a $20 product.
Comment by Sam on January 21, 2010 at 2:48 pm
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Dean Pomerleau here – inventor of the pet fish training system featured in this infomercial. Its for real, and from what we can tell, the fish seem to enjoy it. Check out our web site to learn more.
–Dean
Dean Pomerleau
Founder & Chief Fish Trainer
Fish School, Inc.Comment by Dean Pomerleau on January 23, 2010 at 3:09 pm
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@ Yami: Unfortunately, they are – at least some of them. Still this is pretty ridiculous.
Comment by Lydia on January 24, 2010 at 3:47 pm
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Live vicariously through your fish! Unreal. I wondered exactly what they were implying there too, Sam. It’d be disturbing if the commercial wasn’t so desperately hilarious.
Comment by Monica Hamburg on January 29, 2010 at 11:08 pm
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I, for one, think it’s about time goldfish everywhere starting earning their keep, damn it all.
“Bloop, bloop” ain’t gonna cut it anymore, Goldie! It’s time for a little *splish-splash* up in here!
Comment by Nils Barton on February 2, 2010 at 9:53 pm
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You naysayer losers (myself included): Wait until Kevin Trudeau combines Fish Training with his legendary “Your wish is Your Command”.
Comment by znkp on February 6, 2010 at 5:41 am
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You can train your fish to be like Shamu? the same killer whale that recently ate its trainer? Where do I sign up?
Comment by Rachel on March 8, 2010 at 11:14 am
Wow, this is just hilarious!
So you’re your dog’s bitch with the tell bell, yet you force your fish to do tricks for a living?
lmao wow, what will they come up with next?
Fish aren’t smart enough to learn anything – not goldfish anyway.