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Who Needs Horror When You Have Facial Flex?

Are you a male sex slave who has trouble finding the right gift for that dominatrix who seems to have everything?

Well, the Ridiculous Infomercial Review is here to help by letting you know about Facial Flex, a device designed to be placed in the mouth so that the unlucky victim can be forced to squeeze it repeatedly using only the muscles in his face.

We must admit, however, that even though Facial Flex looks exactly like the kind of torture device you’d expect to see in any well-stocked S&M dungeon, this product was not in fact designed for that purpose. Facial Flex is actually supposed to be an exercise device for the facial muscles.

And far from being sold at femdom conventions, this FacialFlex was marketed on QVC and HSN, to the same sweet grandmas who buy Joan Rivers rings and Quacker Factory sweaters. Old bags who are afraid to get sliced up in a real face lift surgery or too scared to have the toxic bacteria of Botox injected into them can still get rid of wrinkles by doing reps on their Facial Flex exercisers.

For the rest of us, seeing this video clip from QVC of the Facial Flex in action will provide great raw material for our nightmares:

“It’s kind of freaky” indeed!

Comments

  • 10 Responses to “Who Needs Horror When You Have Facial Flex?”

  • That’s just ridiculous.

    Comment by Bryant on September 14, 2006 at 1:10 pm

  • Uhh… I didn’t see anything scary or disturbing in this. It was just ridiculous, nothing else.

    Comment by JJ on May 21, 2007 at 1:38 pm

  • Tried this thing. Your supposed to do it for two minutes none stop. After 15 seconds your mounth starts to salivate, and dribble down the sides of your mouth.You then start to suck in stop stop it but cant so you end up taking it out and stopping the excercise.
    Buyers beware….NO REFUND…on this product

    Comment by Bobbie K on August 14, 2007 at 1:53 am

  • I don’t know about this salivating issue (i didn’t even know salivate was a word but ok!) but the idea does make sense. The product was actually invented for stroke victims and then later found its way into the cosmetic industry. I don’t know about this specific product but face exercises are actually supposed to work and it would make sense since the muscle tissue in your face is connected to the skin.

    Comment by Hubellubo on August 23, 2007 at 1:26 am

  • Anyone with any knowledge of musce training or of biology knows this won’t work.

    Firstly: where is the progressive resistance? It has only one setting. That’s like curling a 10lb dumbbell for endless reps and never going heavier.

    No doubt because it is marketed by WOMEN. They have this delusion about ‘long and lean’ and ‘toning’ that happens to avoid the ‘bulk’ from high weights. It’s total BS.

    So is the idea that by hypertrophying the facial muscles, it will somehow remove wrinkles. It will not. There is no proof of this, nor reason to believe it. It may increase your ability to contort your face without strain, or bite stuff harder, but that’s about it.

    Of course that being said, I’ll take crappy resistance over no resistance at all, I’m an advocate of training every muscle possible.

    Comment by Tyciol on September 8, 2007 at 2:12 am

  • The facial flex does have progressive resistance. 6oz, 8oz and 12oz bands and its not for removing wrinkles but toning the muscle tone of the face.
    It is marketed to everybody, male and female use it as well as stroke victims. Some use it to tone up the lip muscles for brass band musical instrument.
    No, not a marketer but one who does actually read up on stuff!

    Comment by suanni on May 3, 2008 at 9:51 am

  • I have actually tried “facial flex”, “flex-away” and another less known product (made in Japan) call “Lip Trainer Patakara” (this last one helps with snoring as well).
    Initially I was looking fore devices to help people who have problems with lip closure (down syndrom children in particular) – I am a speech therapist. I wanted to test these products on myself before recommending to my clients. I have to say, they all work in different ways, but they do work. In my opinion, even though it may end up being a little more expansive, I believe these 3 products should be used in alternative to get the best results.

    One uexpected result I have obtained is that my voice and articulation have greatly improved. I did not expect that at all! I have much more power and freedom when I sing and speak and I don’t get so sore. I believe the one product that did the trick for my voice may be the Lip Trainer, because I can notice the difference when I sing before and after doing the lip trainer routine.

    Comment by mimi on July 27, 2008 at 12:59 pm

  • Mimi,

    Can the Patakara Lip trainer be purchased in the US?
    Where dear you get yours? I really want to try it.

    Meg

    Comment by Meg on December 12, 2008 at 12:50 am

  • “Old bags who are afraid to get sliced up in a real face lift surgery”

    What a ridiculous comment! Why would anyone choose to get ‘sliced’ for vanity. I don’t know if this works or not but exercising muscles makes a whole lot more sense than unnecessary, expensive and possibly dangerous vanity surgery.

    Comment by Samantha on January 27, 2011 at 12:43 pm

  • The surgery’s only dangerous if you get it done at those cheap ass places that also does teeth whitening, tattoos and ear piercing.

    Comment by BOTR on January 15, 2012 at 11:17 am

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