Nads

The war against female body hair gets a new weapon from Australia in Nad's—a product that "looks like green taffy."

This infomercial never lets the viewer forget that its gooey hair removal product comes from "Down Under." Australia gets touted as some sort of exotic locale, "nature's paradise" "where this amazing climate makes natural and organic living a delight." A goofy picture of a koala bear and the words "Australian Made" and "From Australia" periodically appear on the screen. Yet we are never told why coming from Australia makes Nad's any better. They miss a great opportunity to point out that Australian women desperately need good hair removal because of their great fondness for going to the beach nude.

Most of this infomercial, however, centers around "a heart-warming story of a mother's love for her daughter." Sue Ismiel created the product after her 5-year-old daughter attended her brother's wedding and would have looked perfect—if not for those hairy gorilla arms! Sue, we are told, is a "former medical professional"—about as vague a description as possible—and she started concocting potions from stuff in her kitchen cupboard and testing them all over the body of her hirsute guinea pig of a husband until she hit upon an "all natural" mixture that worked. Now Nad's has become "the fastest moving personal care product in Australia."

Sue incessantly mentions that she named the product "Nad's" after her daughter Nadine: "I'm proud of my product. That's why I put my daughter's name on it." This, supposedly, builds up the hair remover's credibility. (Of course, products named after their maker's children don't have a great pedigree: Ford's lemon The Edsel was named after Henry Ford II's son and Apple Computers' biggest flop, The Lisa, was named after Steve Jobs' daughter.) There is, however, a more compelling reason for Sue's repeated mentions: "nads" is a slang term for testicles, at least in the U.S. The combination of the word "nads" with a hair removal product brings to mind a very squeamish image. Frequent reminders that Nad's was named for Nadine serve to undermine the word's anatomical connotations.

Although designed for women, this infomercial often demonstrates Nad's effectiveness by applying it onto hairy-legged men. And they do make a small attempt to pitch Nad's as a product men can use: it's said to be great for "swimmers" and "cyclists," and one of Sue's daughters claims the "whole football team" used Nad's—which will no doubt dispel the American assumption that Australian rules football is a game for the macho. However, with the exception of one brief shot, the infomercial fails to make the most effective appeal to men: Nad's can vanquish the tragedy of back hair, a male trait ladies find so unattractive.

Nad's features one of the greatest testimonials in infomercial history, that of Mary Ann Roth, lady with a beard. Mary Ann recounts the horror of living life with a beard and mustache: apparently, in Australia marauding gangs of boys gather to hurl taunts at the homes of women with conspicuous body hair. But salvation arrived in a jar of Nad's. There's something bizarre about the way the events are presented: Mary Ann received a jar of Nad's from her mother and then faxed Sue, who said she'd come to apply Nad's personally; we then see Sue slathering Nad's onto a fully-bearded Mary Ann Roth. Did Sue let Mary Ann suffer with a beard until she could arrive with a camera crew? Or did Mary Ann regrow her beard especially for the infomercial?...Beardless, Mary Ann claims, "My friends say, 'Ah, you know you'll be a movie star now.'" Oh, that dry Australian wit! (Or is that morbid Australian wit?)

This infomercial attempts in a lame, half-hearted way to disguise itself as some sort of a travel show. At the end the host signs off by saying, "See you next time from another fascinating location." "Next time"? This is an infomercial! The only next time will be when this same infomercial is aired yet again from the "fascinating location" of some lousy cable channel or crappy UHF station.

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