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Richard Simmons Dolls

Richard Simmons: A Man and His Dolls

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As if Richard Simmons wasn't cool enough—with his little red shorts, frizzy hair, and ebullient mannerisms—he now increases his hipness factor by peddling his very own line of dolls. So let's take the time to review some of the treasures in the Richard Simmons collection.

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Smooch the Elf - Richard Simmons Doll

It's nice to see that all the jokes haven't prompted Richard Simmons to try to become more manly.

Has Santa's workshop adopted a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy? This limp-wristed elf puckering up has to be the sissiest thing ever created. Even Hermey thinks this elf's a swish.


Hank the Fireman - Richard Simmons Doll

Now you can tell your friends, "I don't play with Richard Simmons dolls—I play with Richard Simmons inaction figures."

If this guy's in your local FD, you'd better keep your insurance paid up.

Richard Simmons also plans on releasing octogenarian policeman, Indian, soldier, and construction worker dolls.


Santa Claus - Richard Simmons Doll

Here's Santa in his traditional red outfit—in other words, this looks exactly like the dozens of other Santas you've already got. But this doll is endorsed by Richard Simmons. So buy it, dammit!


Millennium Santa - Richard Simmons Doll

The only thing this Santa's missing is his white Bengal tiger.


Makeba, African-American - Richard Simmons Doll

When December 26 comes around, it's time for Richard Simmons to celebrate Kwanzaa. So Richard puts away the mistletoe and Santas, and breaks out the dashikis and Makeba the African-American doll.

This doll is quite versatile—stick a feather in her hair and she can double as an Indian for your Thanksgiving decor.

Many African-Americans enjoy celebrating their heritage with Richard Simmons dolls.


Lillian, Belle of the Ball - Richard Simmons Dolls

A better name for this doll would be "Richard Simmons, circa 2034."


Rowena and Cabrina - Richard Simmons Dolls

When you're young and in diapers, people strap a hideous paper hat on your head in honor of your birthday. And when you're in adult diapers they strip you of your dignity by doing it all over again.

This doll shows that Richard Simmons remains optimistic about the future of same-sex marriage.


Bear Hugs Are Best - Richard Simmons Dolls

This doll gets its name from a statement Richard Simmons has uttered many a night.

By the way, Richard's bear code is B0 c++ g++ f-- w- t- r--


Webbie Debbie Doll Webbie Debbie Doll Webbie Debbie Doll

Webbie Debbie - Richard Simmons Doll

Is this supposed to be a Garbage Pail Kid?

This doll gets her name from the Web surfing she does with that laptop of hers. Webbie Debbie is also known by the handle HotSexyDeb69 on countless chat rooms and dating sites. So gentlemen, you may now put a face to your favorite cybersex partner.


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